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No School Like Homeschool

I could have been homeschooled, if it were legal in my childhood. My mother was very protective of me and if I didn’t feel comfortable with the public schooling I got, she made a stink until I was exempt from the curriculum. And so it was that I missed 6th grade sex education, and got out of reading “Rabbit, Run” in 9th. My little fragile eggshell mind couldn’t deal with the topic of sex and sensuality. I was afraid of it, and my mother allowed me to fear it, because her Christianity taught that it was fornication outside of marriage. When I became born again myself, I felt that too. And even when I left the church and faith behind, the problems I had with sex and the sex act remained.

I didn’t fuck my first girlfriend at all and we went out for 3 years.

I’m still having sexual issues today.

There may be no continuum that links these happenings. Yet, I feel that I was grossly unprepared to be a sexual being and do attribute some of my problems today with the ones I had.

Alright. That’s enough of the personal. I’m going to talk a little about the twin phenomena of homeschooling and Christianity.

Teaching is a tough job. That’s why it should be done by teachers. But zealous Christian parents are afraid that their children will learn about sex and evolution. So they are somehow allowed to teach at home without biology and other sciences being properly presented. Add copious doses of biblical teaching, and voila, you have an uncurious, neurotic youngster who’s ill-prepared to meet the world as it really exists. And I guess that is the point, since for Christians there is much concern about “the world” and how full of evil and temptation it is.

I’m sorry, but I don’t think you should be teaching if you refer to the Bible as the authority on everything. You are going to fuck your kid up and make them believe stupid things instead of know smart things, smart things that public schools could have introduced them to.

Moving right along, let’s talk about math. Math is critical to understanding how the universe works. I am very bad at math, and so I am limited in my understanding of the damn thing. There seems to be a sort of precision to the way things are ordered. Superclusters of galaxies are distributed evenly throughout the universe. Nothing travels faster than light, which always travels at the same speed. General relativity explains the relation of gravity, mass and energy. Why, if you look at the world around you, some things are arranged by a recurring fractal pattern.

Small wonder that St. Paul thought everything was arranged perfectly, and proved to him the existence of a being, a designer who made that perfection for us. But that vision breaks down even at observable levels-climate is changing because the earth is getting hotter, storms are more destructive than ever.Volcanoes and earthquakes and floods and droughts and wars kill millions. In the theoretical world, our math is beginning to hit barriers as physicists try to grapple with quantum mechanics and strange unseen matter that has to be there because the numbers say so. Nothing is chock full of something. It’s all up in the air-it is a bewildering time to be a scientist, and yet so exciting too. But the bottom line is, the more we know, the less we understand and that is the current cycle of science. That’s a feature, not a bug.

But if you want to be an ignoramus, just claim that Jesus created math. That is not only an affront to history, it’s based on the mistaken idea that it is perfect as only a creator could be. So anyway, this dildock  who homeschools is postulating exactly that. He spins a parable:

Good morning class! It’s time for us to study mathematics.” The second-grade students all open their textbooks and pick up their pencils. “Let’s review first. Who can answer this question? What is 2 + 4?”

Seven-year-old Johnny raises his hand and offers an answer. “Six?”

“Very good, Johnny!” responds his government school teacher. “That’s correct.”

Fully expecting to go on to the next question, the teacher looks back at her teacher’s manual. Her thoughts are interrupted by a raised hand out of the corner of her eye. It is Johnny. He is such a precocious and inquisitive young man.

But his question catches her off guard.

“Why?”

“Why what, Johnny?”

“Why does 2+4 = 6? Does it always equal six?”

“Of course it does, Johnny. Why do you ask?”

“Well, can it ever be something different? Like, seven on Monday, and eleven on Christmas, and thirty-nine on my birthday?”

“No, of course not.”

“Why not?”

At this point, the teacher, who was not homeschooled, would have chosen something countable in the room, and proceeded to put 4 in one pile and 2 in another. She could then combine the piles and count the total. Unless Johnny wants to argue the identity of numbers themselves, he would have shut the fuck up. But that’s not the way our homeschooler looked at this supposedly intractable problem of how to explain to Johnny how math works. He thinks the teacher is in a real bind:

With this question, the teacher has just found herself in a tight spot. Like it or not, she is facing a question that, by state law, she is not permitted to answer honestly. She quickly thinks through her list of options.

Finally, she decides to answer according to the metanarrative (the big overstory) of the government school system. What most teachers spread out over 10,800 hours of K–12 instruction, she decides to truncate into one short soliloquy.

Then he has this theoretical teacher recite the “government(???)” history of the universe to get Johnny to understand. And it’s all for no reason at all, the teacher says. Sorry, Johnny. It’s all accidental.

This is considered a sad way to go through life by Christians. They’re always existentially worried that their lives have no meaning and so they’ve invented a benevolent creator who loves them and their ultimate goal is to love him back. I’m not going to bore you with why that is pathetic and wrongheaded, because fellow atheists already know.

But anyway, our homeschooler pivots away from the why of math. He wants to know the who:

If you were to ask a teacher who is committed to the official narrative of government education, “Who is the author of mathematics?”, they would respond that it was evolution, or time plus matter plus chance.

Um, no, I don’t think they would say that at all. They would point you in the direction of the ancient Egyptians and Pythagoras, or tell you to Wikipedia it like I did and fuck off. Christians think they know the nonbeliever(or the government educated) mind so well. But they’re only projecting their anxieties on you. They need people to feel as bad as they do about things, otherwise the purposeless life they thought they escaped creeps back in again.

But anyway, 2+4=6 because….

Jesus is the Author of Math

And the evidence for this? Scripture!

[He] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature: For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him: And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. (Colossians 1:15–17)

That’s all. That mystical gobbledygook is all he needs for proof. QED. No need for pesky science because this holy book has it covered. The miniscule scraps of some letters to a church from a bedazzled monk are far more reliable than anything man has ever postulated. Fuck me running. Who’s crazier, the guy who discovered virtual particles or this homsechool Jesus freak who thinks the government is trying to indoctrinate your kids into…learning? To be honest, it’s getting harder to tell but just because it’s a wiggly world, it doesn’t mean I’m going to lose my mind over it.

I need music. Here.

 

Hamming It Up

Ken Ham, the bible brandishing, excitable, man-sized rodent is twittering nervously about shit he doesn’t understand again. Much like Donald Trump, he can’t stand to be alone with his thoughts for long because they make him sad-so he takes to the digital dump and blurts out his righteous, albeit defensive, ruminations.

I get it, Ken. Your non-seaworthy conceit is a flop. I suppose if I wasted 18 million dollars of Kentucky tax money I’d be a little on edge myself. I’d have taken to drinking or worse by now. But not you, Ken. You’re getting out in front of this and preaching the truth! How can I not be convicted when you tweet things like

Evolution is a supposed process involving death, death & more death–death is a necessary part–death for everyone–it’s a religion of death

Wowsers, Ken. I never thought of it that way. I bet no one has-who’d want to? But let me focus you a bit. You’ve got evolution confused with life itself. Evolution is a process of change, not death. Life, necessarily, involves death death death and so forth. It’s rather self evident. Don’t be afraid! That’s not religion. It’s real. What do we do with death? We punch it in its stupid death face. We say what Nietzsche said:“Was that life? Well then, once more!”Now, what else have you got for us?

Atheism is a blind faith that doesn’t explain the evidence and is not confirmed by observational science-it’s the religion of naturalism

Scattering like buckshot tonight, eh, Ken? No problem. I want to call your pronouncements strawmen but let’s keep it real simple since you do. Look, brother, I love you, but crawl up your own ass and die with this “atheism is a faith” garbage. I. Don’t. Have. Any. Belief. In. God. Period. I pretty much lack the faith gene-lord knows I tried to believe for a decade or so. Faith and belief require activity, Ken, a type of activity which I do not pursue. As for the evidence, I’ve seen what passes for evidence from you-you’ve raised scripture-twisting to an art, pulling out bullshit from between every holy word.

Ken, you’ve got me stymied on whether or not I am a “naturalist”. Good thing I am here on a blog where I can take a minute to prepare myself for an accusation. I think I may have read a book or two of its genre. Google:

a philosophical viewpoint according to which everything arises from natural properties and causes, and supernatural or spiritual explanations are excluded or discounted.

Guilty. That’s all I have to go on; that’s about all I know so far. But it begs the question: so fucking what? Once again, am I to be convicted because of my ignorance? Not by you or your kind. Never. People who are certain scare me.

But by now we should all be bedazzled by your logic, and therefore you deliver your coup de grace:

Christianity is a faith that explains the evidence and is confirmed by observational science–it’s the true faith.

And it is here that we find the source of Ken’s loneliness, because there aren’t even very many believers who think that is true. Most Christians are very comfy with compartmentalizing faith and science. Rare is the bird who thinks that bastardized cut and paste book contains all the secrets of the universe. I’ve read it a few times. It really isn’t that good as books go. Shit, Dianetics makes more sense than Christianity if I’m completely honest.

I gotta go, Ken. My religious, naturalistic, death loving life calls. Fuck yourself hard, would you?

Onward Christian Soldiers

Republicans are in a real bind these days. They can’t do a thing to upset their constituency, unless your name is Donald Trump. But anyway, they can’t lose the Christian bible-humping right where a subset exists that is homophobic, and as we have seen from Target Lady, transphobic as well. It’s crucial that Republicans keep this group in their tent.

However, behind closed doors, even they get tired of overweening Christian displays:

Allen’s comments upset some members, who walked out of the Republican policy meeting in protest.

“It was f—ing ridiculous,” one Republican member in the room told The Hill.

“A good number of members were furious,” a Republican told Politico about Allen’s remarks. “There was some Scripture that was read and the like.”.

That’s my senator. I am sorry. My state gave you Jody Hice and this asshole.

Smarter minds than mine will eventually tease out why conservatives, the wing of personal liberty, consistently find themselves legislating some people’s morality against others. Lord only knows what their issue is. The reasoning is barely perceptible. They can’t all be closet homos, can they? The Bible is full of things people don’t believe are relevant any more, even Christians-why pick on LGBT folk?

If you are scared of non-traditional sex, and I believe that is the case, don’t engage in it and don’t look at it. Oh, you may have to see a float at a parade, but I’m sure the Lord can provide a special dispensation of forgiveness for viewing such perversity. And don’t go to college either, where you might find everything you know is wrong.

The Spirit Of Capitalism

You know, I don’t go out of my way to find these ridiculous stories about Christians behaving badly. They sort of just fall in my lap during the course of the day. By the numbers, there are not more Christians, so why is there a story every day about one who has gone off the rails on a crazy train? Well, you out there managed to put some of them in office in 2014. That’s part of it. I think another dynamic is in play here-they know that society is leaving them behind, and it scares the shit out of them. Actually, that’s not necessarily true. Some schmucks see the changing mores as signs of the Last Days, and are ready for Christ to come down and smite the gays and all other infidels. Barack Obama has pegged them-when the going gets tough, you gotta cling to the Word and load up your guns.

Anyway, here’s a nascent Richie Rich politician, humping that Bible as hard as he can to justify his contention that abusing the workforce is OK:

Greg Gianforte, aspiring Republican governor of Montana, urges college students to reject policy that favors savings plans and retirement options because, like Noah, Christians have “an obligation to work” until they are hundreds of years old, the Huffington Post reports.

Speaking at the Montana Bible College in February, Gianforte told students, “There’s nothing in the Bible that talks about retirement. And yet it’s been an accepted concept in our culture today. Nowhere does it say, ‘Well, he was a good and faithful servant, so he went to the beach.’ It doesn’t say that anywhere.”

“The example I think of is Noah,” Gianforte continued. “How old was Noah when he built the Ark? 600. He wasn’t like, cashing Social Security checks. He wasn’t hanging out; he was working. So, I think we have an obligation to work. The role we have in work may change over time, but the concept of retirement is not biblical.”

That’s right folks, you should work until you die. This is the kind of capitalist pig that can only be stopped by vigorous government regulation and collective bargaining. This unholy wedding of religion and the profit motive must be stopped.

Like Children Throwing A Tantrum

The hyper-religious right is in its last throes over gay marriage. The usual suspects have taken out a full page ad in the Washington Post that states, in part:

“We will not honor any decision by the Supreme Court which will force us to violate a clear biblical understanding of marriage as solely the union of one man and one woman.”.

We affirm that Marriage, as existing solely between one man and one woman, precedes civil government. Though affirmed, fulfilled, and elevated by faith, the truth that marriage can exist only between one man and one woman is not based solely on religion but on the Natural Law, written on the human heart.

Oooh, you won’t “honor” it. So what. Is that a threat? What the hell does that mean? I mean, we already knew you wouldn’t respect gay love so this is kind of a nothingburger. Please be more specific as to what else you are going to do besides be an asshole about this. And what is the “natural law”? I guess that’s their weird way of saying the poo chute is not for fucking. Research suggests otherwise. I’d like to know As for the biblical understanding of marriage, I must defer to America’s Best Christian, because she already did the heavy lifting:

This epitomizes the problem. You have people who live every bit of their pathetic little lives by some Iron Age book they clearly haven’t read. And they won’t be satisfied until everyone thinks like they do. Why? Because that’s in their Bible too, to witness for Jesus-who incidentally never said a word about gays or marriage.

Ken Ham Is A Gerbil-Faced Pettifogger

Miley Cyrus is in the news again, sort of. It was only a matter of time before she took her clothes off somewhere. Good for her. Don’t bother me none. The spread, in Paper Magazine (whatever that is) accompanies an interview where Cyrus draws attention to her nonprofit that aids homeless and LGBT kids. She’s having a good time growing up in public; she could have turned out way worse.

But she’s getting negative press. That press is coming from Ken Ham. It seems that he is very sensitive about the story of the Ark. His own Ark is going to be the centerpiece of a new theme park Ham is engineering-if he can still fund it without a religious exemption from taxes, that is. Now I am not sure of the context, but Cyrus had this to say about the story of the Ark:

“That’s [expletive] insane,” she told the magazine. “We’ve outgrown that fairy tale, like we’ve outgrown [expletive] Santa and the tooth fairy.”

She also flipped the bird to prudes in general:

Sexually, Cyrus said she is “down with” anything. She views her sexuality and even her gender identity as fluid. “I am literally open to every single thing that is consenting and doesn’t involve an animal and everyone is of age. Everything that’s legal, I’m down with. Yo, I’m down with any adult—anyone over the age of 18 who is down to love me,” she said. “I don’t relate to being boy or girl, and I don’t have to have my partner relate to boy or girl.”

I guess that was enough to set Ken off. Just wait until you hear some of his logic, it’s priceless:

Question for her: Why not involve an animal? On what basis does she decide that? Besides, if there’s no God and she’s just a result of evolution, then she is merely an animal anyway. And those she interacts with sexually are just animals—so why not any animals? In other words, she has decided to draw a line for some reason—but what reason? It’s actually because in her heart she knows God exists (Romans 1), she knows she is different from the animals as she is made in God’s image (Genesis 1)—and she has a conscience (as seared as it is because of her sinful rebellion) because the law is written on our hearts (Romans 2).

Question for her: Why only those over the age of 18? On what basis did she decide that? If there’s no God, why have any age restriction? On what basis would she argue against pedophilia? Why not do whatever anyone wants to do?

I have a few questions for Ken:

Is God the only thing keeping you from fucking an animal? Is He what stands between you and pederasty?

What animal goes out of its genus to fuck another genus?  Do lions have sex with antelopes? (They’re just animals, after all.)

Simpleton. Most people who aren’t Josh Duggar know not to look at a child as a sexual object. And almost all of us have no desire to have sexual relations with “another” animal. It’s basic instinct that tells us that it doesn’t make any sense to do so, although I have seen people try. I can’t unsee that, but I wish I could. Not the point. The point is that children are nonsexual beings and you don’t go trying to make them one. You don’t look at your pet and say, ooh, check out the ass on that dog. They have no sexual characteristics that I and others find remotely appealing. I am stating the obvious, because things like this are lost on people like Ken Ham.

Ken is a master of stupid arguments. But what’s to be expected from a fool who thinks one book is the unassailable Truth? There is no such book. But we are stuck in a society that believes they have found one, and we are fated to share a culture with them.

If they had it their way, Miley and I would be stoned for heresy. Chances are you would be next, gentle reader.

Alternative Realities

Yesterday we talked about people inventing their own realities because they can’t reconcile actual reality with their cockamamie religious beliefs.

It appears that we have to go a little further down the rabbit hole, friends. I’ll try and back us out soon. But I can’t pass this up:

Australian Nick Jensen says that if same-sex marriage is introduced, he and his wife will divorce.

Writing in the Canberra City News, Mr Jensen says he will continue to live with his wife, Sarah, and their children – and they will still consider themselves married. But they will no longer be legally married.

“If our federal parliament votes to change the timeless and organic definition of marriage later on this year, it will have moved against the fundamental and foundational building block of Australian society and, indeed, human culture everywhere.

“Indeed, it raises a red flag when a government decides it is not content only having sovereignty over land, taxes and the military — but ‘words’ themselves.

“This is why we are willing to divorce. By changing the definition of marriage, ‘marriage’ will, in years to come, have an altogether different sense and purpose.”

This type of behavior has a name. It’s right here…tip of my tongue, ah yes:

nose

By all means though, go ahead and hobble your own marriage to protest someone else’s. The Lord loves the righteous, but does he love the self-righteous as well?

The reason, however, is that, as Christians, we believe marriage is not a human invention.

Our view is that marriage is a fundamental order of creation. Part of God’s intimate story for human history. Marriage is the union of a man and a woman before a community in the sight of God. And the marriage of any couple is important to God regardless of whether that couple recognises God’s involvement or authority in it.

Nope, sorry, it is totally a human invention, one that popped up in multiple places predating or in concurrence with Judaism. But for these dolts, the Bible is their history book. If it didn’t happen to the goddamned Jews, it apparently didn’t happen at all.

Gay marriage is on track to be the most significant culture bomb since integration. There are a host of people ready to die on this battlefield. Get ready. The time is nigh, and when the detonation occurs (which I believe it will) I suspect there will be much gnashing of teeth and garment-rending similar to this.

Bible Humpers

I was gonna get all worked up about this, because it looks like a pathetic pander to the religious voting bloc:

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced during a New York Times interview that the Holy Bible is the book that made her who she is today.

“If you had to name one book that made you who you are today, what would it be?” asked The New York Times, in a book review questionnaire.

“At the risk of appearing predictable, the Bible was and remains the biggest influence on my thinking,” Clinton said. “I was raised reading it, memorizing passages from it and being guided by it.”

“I still find it a source of wisdom, comfort and encouragement,” she added.

Super annoying, right? Does she really need the piety vote? Will she get it anyway? No way, Jose.

But really, the story didn’t end there. Clinton was asked about other books she reads, and gave very, very impressive answers. Most importantly, she didn’t get caught flat-footed with the questions. She did not say “all of them, any of them“. She didn’t pick any racist authors.

Now, I like to read. But ever since I got a smartphone, my book time has dropped precipitously. It has taken me months to get through half of “A People’s History Of The United States”, a book I have wanted to read ever since I’d heard of it. And I have nowhere near familiar with most of the stuff she likes. I am glad we have such a curious nominee who makes me feel bad about my own intellectual pursuits.

Hillary Clinton is a Christian. I understand and accept that. Most of you are, and in general, I accept you for that. You would do the same for me, wouldn’t you? Despite the fact that I continually shame Christians on this blog, I actually respect your right to believe whatever the fuck you want. I just don’t like it when you rub my nose in it and puke it all over the society that I must take part in.

I hope she picks the best of the Bible to be influenced by. God bless her in that pursuit.

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