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Just A Little Prick

There’s a meme out there somewhere that says that having (some number, sorry) illegal aliens in the country is better than one (Trump supporter, Republican…again, sorry).

No one has given me more reason to spottily remember it than good ol’ Todd Starnes. He’s one of those conservatives that derive their adult strength from Jesus and belittling unfortunate people after a school career likely marked by swirlies and getting shoved in lockers. Todd is a mealymouthed little twink with nothing to offer to a civil debate.

Before I begin shredding Todd, I had something of an epiphany about the immigration debate whilst trolling my brother’s Facebook page a few days ago, watching so-called Christians get all huffy about immigrants. I developed an axiom: if you have a lot to say against “illegals”, you’re a racist. Don’t give me that crap about breaking “laws”. That’s your cover story. You have issues with people whose skin color is not like yours and who don’t speak like you. You have probably never been hurt by an illegal (or been exposed to risk from them to a greater degree than you are vulnerable to homemade criminals), none of them have taken your job (in point of fact, they are doing the jobs you won’t do), and they do pay taxes without receiving benefits.

You are hung up because you are a prejudiced asshole. End of discussion. There’s a hundred things to bitch about regarding American life but choosing to plant your flag in this discussion above so many other deserving problems says something about you.

As it happens, being cruel to immigrants is as old as the country itself. For all of our talk about being a melting pot, we have always demeaned the latest wave of immigrants once we have become “Americanized”.

What’s in the name “Starnes”, I wonder? Most Starnes’ are from England, and the name’s root means “stern, uncompromising, austere”. I guess that fits him quite well, if only he didn’t look like look like a rodent who is packing his cheeks for winter:

todd-starnesnra

Anyway, Todd’s as white as can be, hailing from the mother country. If there was an immigrant wave, you can bet a Starnes looked down on it.

Here’s the inconvenient truth on immigration. The problem is intractable and the current boob-in-chief, try as he might, will not fix it. Illegal immigration is a linchpin of daily American life. I wouldn’t be able to afford a chicken breast or enjoy a bunch of grapes if mega-food corporations used labor that they would pay in wampum if they could get away with it. This is the ugly reality sitting just below the surface of our American happy-go-lucky lives; that our polite survival is based, yet again, on slave labor. We don’t get paid enough in this country to make rent, how are we going to deal when a pack of chicken breasts costs eighteen dollars? Am I an amnesty supporter? Yes, of course I am. But a whole range of labor reforms would have to be tackled before we handle how to pay immigrants for the suckiest work that’s ever sucked. If indeed the aim of our corporate masters is to find that sweet spot for all of us between penury and subsistence, then the illegal immigrant issue will not get “fixed”.  It’s going to stay the way they like it, and all of you stupid fucks like Todd Starnes will go on believing your bought off politicians when they say they’re going to scratch your racist itch.

Then there’s DACA. Children of undocumented immigrants born here face a possibility of being sent to a country they don’t know and didn’t come from. That is truly frightening shit and should NEVER happen here. Some of these kids are pursuing academics and serving in the armed forces. Donald Trump could have left DACA as it was, but he purposely kicked the legs out from under it, claiming it was not legal and punting the issue to Congress, where it was guaranteed to languish until it could be used as a bargaining chip in the scorched-earth politics Mitch McConnell trafficks in. Not feeling for these kids who were born of undocumented parents makes you a true scumbag.

So anyway, let’s go look at what the terminally punchable Starnes has to say today:

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and a number of other Democrats plan to fill the House gallery with illegal aliens when President Trump delivers his first State of the Union address on Tuesday.

ABC News reports at least 24 House Democrats plan to bring illegals — the so-called “Dreamers” — to watch the Tuesday night speech from the House gallery. 

Whoa! Stop right there, Todd. As I explained above, there is a yuge difference between an “illegal” and a “dreamer”. “Dreamers” have until at least mid-March (and possibly beyond pending a court order to block the end of protections) before they can be targeted for removal. They are not illegal yet, you dumbshit.

The illegal aliens will be sitting in seats that in previous years were meant for brave military heroes, law-abiding taxpayers and America’s best and brightest.

Again, see above on the issue of taxes. Furthermore, there’s almost a thousand “dreamers” serving honorably in the military, which is way more than you can say for chickenhawks like Todd Starnes and Donald Trump for that matter.

Best and brightest? Check out these bad-ass dreamers.

The sad truth is that Democrats would rather align themselves with foreign invaders who violated our national sovereignty, thumbed their nose at the rule of law, and pillaged and plundered taxpayer-funded resources.

Foreign “invaders”? Really with that hyperbole, Todd? You sound like a frightened little Pomeranian who snarls and snaps at anything unfamiliar that gets close to it. Buck up. You are a Starnes, damn it.

In response, President Trump should fill the remainder of the House gallery with Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents.

Imagine the message he could send to the world if he directed ICE agents to arrest every illegal alien in the House chamber – live on national television.

Aside from this being one of the most demented un-American fantasies I have seen in a while, once again, you stupid fuck-these people are legal.

There’s really not much point in more blow-by-blow here, because he gets basic facts wrong repeatedly. The whole piece is predicated on bullshit. But I hope I have made clear here that immigrants have so much to offer this country, way more than angry, hyperventilating white dorks who write a Fox opinion column whose only purpose is to spread misunderstanding and fear do.

 

 

 

 

It Never Ends

I’ve liked Steve Benen for years. I thought the Carpetbagger Report. was smart, informative and funny. Now he has a bitchin’ gig producing Rachel Maddow.

I should just give up. Everybody who was anybody in what used to be the “blogosphere” has gotten paying gigs writing internet journalism. I wrote a little for Roger Ailes, who now sadly posts maybe once a month. I got Jeff Goldstein to chew me out once. And I got Mark Steyn’s attention once because he used to post the negative commentary he endgendered.

So there are my purple hearts for this thing that I’ve been doing for well nigh over 15 years ago. I’m nobody. I try to do my bloggy best. I say fuck a lot, which will banish me from polite commentary and usually post things that really upset me. My targets are invariably about the aggravating grip Christians think they have on this melting pot, or about dangerous and laughable politicians. Sometimes those two things intersect, and I am doubly blessed.

Anyway, what was I saying about Steve Benen? Yes. He writes a little for the Maddow blog, and one of my favorite things he does is accumulate stories involving religious crazies. He calls this collection of observances “This Week In God”. I have a good laugh, and steal his material and put it here so you can enjoy it too.

Tom Cotton is a fucking maniac delusional cocksucker. His crimes can be found here; there are too many stupid things he has said to list here. So what’s going on with Senator Cotton these days?

Last fall, a variety of Republican leaders and presidential candidates suggested a refugee policy in which the United States favored Christians, but not Muslims, fleeing ISIS and Syria’s civil war. ThinkProgress noted this week, however, that one GOP senator has taken the extra step of introducing federal legislation related to the idea.

In an interview with radio host Kevin Miller on Tuesday, Sen. Tom Cotton (R-AR) spoke about his new bill to make it much easier for Christians and other religious minorities fleeing ISIS-related violence to resettle in the United States.

“I think the U.S. has a moral imperative to try and save these Christians and the other small minority groups,” he said. “So I would create a special kind of visa program that wouldn’t take any access away from anyone else in the United States, but would recognize that Christians – like Jews in the Soviet Union – are being singled out for persecution and elimination. That’s in our interest, as it is in combating the Islamic State.”

That’s a sitting member of Congress, who can’t figure out what church and state separation means. Tom is free as a bird to just blah blah God blah blah on the floor if he likes, but we’re not in the business of choosing what kind of religion a person has to have to gain a foothold in America. For all the bleating they do about walking the path to citizenship…and then this guys says Christians can jump to the front of the line is as odious as it is asinine.

Cotton’s bill, introduced this week, does not yet have any co-sponsors

It’s a good thing no one really listens to Tom Cotton. Lord knows he’s provided me a bunch of opportunities to lay out his batshit ideas. Thanks, and fuck you, dude.

White Light

I’ve spent lots of time chronically lambasting the dumbshits in the GOP field. It’s a full time job, one which I have less time to do it because I will be starting a full-time job that pays money. I’m going to have to save some of my invective and curtail bashing only the frontrunners, not the sad losers who can barely break 5%.

I’m not going to do a number on Donald Trump, though. He’s a fucking lunatic, and I’m enjoying the hell out of his campaign. I don’t think Trumpmania will survive the winter.

Next in line is Ben Carson. I’ve called this asshole out on many occasions here. Mr. Smart Stupid is the next candidate the right will swoon over. Expect more spew in his direction here.

But I wanna get one more jab in at the hopeless. Let’s kick Rand Paul around. He’ll be lucky if he can save his Senate seat with the way he’s been acting. Here’s some choice Paul, commenting on the immigrant problem, somehow managing to insult Native Americans in the process:

“I think assimilation is an amazing thing. A good example of how, even in our country, assimilation didn’t happen — and it has been a disaster for the people — has been the Native American population on the reservations. If they were assimilated, within a decade they’d probably be doing as well as the rest of us. But instead, seclusion and isolating them — we took their land, and then we put them all on small quadrants of land.”

I really think that someone should watch “Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee” to comprehend what “assimilation” means with respect to Native Americans. We broke them. We took everything by force. We sickened them and murdered them without provocation. It had fuckall to do with a refusal to assimilate. They were going to do it whether they liked it or not. Our Indians are still suffering the effects of whitey’s domination of the West. They liked their culture. But we were having none of it. It scared us.

Rand Paul is a thoughtless cad. He’s trying to equate the destruction of native culture with our Mexican population problem. They are not alike at all. Our illegals would probably like to “assimilate” but that doesn’t mean we get to destroy their cultural identity, like we did with Indians.

What are we so afraid of? What the hell is so important that we should denigrate and demean our new wave of immigrants? It is, sadly, their turn in the barrel. Every immigrant population was shat upon when they arrived. This kind of nativism needs to be stopped. Rand Paul is a fuckball for stoking the fear of our new Other. What happened to him? Where’s his vaunted libertarianism? Isn’t it the free market that brings these people? Time for John S. Hall and company:

Trapped

Scott Walker will not make it to the quarterfinals. He enjoyed a little attention as a sort of dark horse/white hope for a bit. But what we have seen is that every time he opens his mouth, something comes out that make his backers want to weep a little. He’s not ready for big questions at all. Look at this hot mess he produced when asked about our relationship with Pakistan…I won’t make you watch:

In advance of his foreign policy address in South Carolina, Gov. Scott Walker was asked Friday morning about U.S.-Pakistan relations.

“Well, I think anywhere in the world we need to be better. We obviously have challenges all throughout the world,” Walker replied. “Heck, we even have challenges with a relationship with Israel, which is obviously one of our greatest allies out there. But we have ongoing challenges in Pakistan and Afghanistan, around the world. Again, it’s one of those where strength begets strength, confidence begets confidence.”

“I think you look both in terms of Pakistan and Afghanistan, you look at — we talk all the time about ISIS and Al Qaeda. We still have ongoing concerns about the Taliban and their ability to regain strength,” Walker said. “That has a relationship between both Pakistan and Afghanistan. We need to make sure that any form, any form of radical Islamic terrorism that’s targeted at us or allies is one that we stand firm on. And those are still lingering problems, even in that part of the world.”

One is reminded of this:

Political toast.

But he’s topped himself and I feel just the slightest bit sorry for him when he (in)articulated this:

The Wisconsin governor was asked whether he wanted to build a wall on the northern border, too, during an interview Sunday on NBC’s “Meet the Press.”

Walker says law enforcement officials in New Hampshire brought up the topic of building a wall along the U.S.-Canadian border during a recent town hall meeting. He says they raised some legitimate concerns, so it’s a “legitimate issue for us to look at.”

The poor fucker either had to square the circle or come up with a decent reason why we don’t need a fence on the Canadian border without sounding like a racist asshole. “No Chuck, we’re just worried about the brown ones down south.” So he had to say that it interested him.

I’ll miss Scott, because he is almost as fun to mock as Ben Carson. Keep serving them up, cons, and we’ll break them.

I’m Glad I Left Jersey When I Did

Chris “Golden Corral” Christie thinks he has come up with a novel idea for solving the immigration problem:

“I’m going to have Fred Smith, the founder of FedEx, come work for the government for three months,” the Republican presidential candidate said at a town hall event in New Hampshire. “Just come for three months to Immigration and Customs Enforcement and show these people.”

He suggested the FedEx model would prevent immigrants from overstaying their visas.

“We need to have a system that tracks you from the moment you come in
and then when your time is up—whether it’s 3 months or 6 months or 9 months, 12 months, however long your visa is—then we go get you and tap you on the shoulder and say, ‘Excuse me, it’s time to go,'” Christie said.

I hope he’s joking. But Poe’s law applies to so many conservatives, one can never tell. Let’s do a little math. There are at least 11 million undocumented immigrants in the country. How will we mark and track those? I thought that was the focus, not those who come on visa and overstay their welcome, so to speak. ICE has 20,000 employees. It looks to me like they are out-manned. That’s a little over 500 immigrants per ICE official, and those are not all field agents. And they keep coming.

Christie makes no sense at all. But look at his audience. They love a fighter, even if he’s a goddamn dissembler and a liar.

Laugh Of The Day

I’m having a real hard time figuring out who the stupidest fucking Republican running for president is. So far, Scott Walker wins most slow-witted and Ben Carson takes the prize for ignorant asshole, but Jeb Bush is just plain embarrassing in two languages:

GOP presidential hopeful Jeb Bush claimed on Monday that his use of the term “anchor babies” was not offensive because he was referring to the practice of people, primarily Asians, coming to the U.S. and “taking advantage” of birthright citizenship.

“What I was talking about was the specific case of fraud being committed, where there’s organized efforts, and frankly it’s more related to Asian people coming into our country having children in that organized effort, taking advantage of a noble concept, which is birthright citizenship,” he said. 

laugh

Who is this motherfucker trying to kid, anyway?

Just So We’re Clear

“Anchor babies” are…not.

It’s not a thing. The nasty little term has been going around conservative circles for about 10 years now. But the idea that hundreds of thousands of people come to the US for the sole reason of creating a citizen that will get them fast-tracked for their own citizenship is bologna. Politifact brings the noise:

Based on past reporting, it’s not clear whether every birth to an undocumented mother was for the purpose of tethering the family to American soil.

“There are a million hardworking Hispanic people in San Diego who came here to work and then happened to have a baby,” midwife Lauren Weber said in the 2010 fact-check. “Then, there are people who come over in order to have a baby.”

“I believe that most migrants come for economic reasons and opportunity,” said Theresa Brown, the director of immigration policy at the Bipartisan Policy Institute. “The idea that their child may be able to sponsor them for a green card in 21 years is probably too long term to be a primary driver of immigration.”

You read that right. Undocumented immigrant parents will still be illegally in the country until the child is 21. Most come here to work rather than to squeeze out a pup that is legal. But fuck facts, right? As long as you have some good buzzwords you can use on people who check in with the right side of their amygdala all the time, you don’t need truth.

Scott Walker Is Political Flarp

I say this because he makes a lot of noise and impossible to hold onto if squeezed. One reporter squeezed him on immigration and he burbled out this nonsense:

KASIE HUNT: Do you think that birthright citizenship should be ended?

SCOTT WALKER: Well, like I said, Harry Reid said it’s not right for this country — I think that’s something we should, yeah, absolutely, going forward —

HUNT: We should end birthright citizenship?

WALKER: Yeah, to me it’s about enforcing the laws in this country. And I’ve been very clear, I think you enforce the laws, and I think it’s important to send a message that we’re going to enforce the laws, no matter how people come here we’re going to enforce the laws in this country.

Yeah. Very clear. Clear that you don’t have a grasp on the issue. A few days later, Walker was squeezed again by a reporter on the topic and this fart sound came out of his face:

“I’m not taking a position on it one way or the other,” Walker said in an interview with CNBC’s John Harwood. Today, Walker said his stance had been misunderstood during a long campaign day involving numerous interviews marked by interruptions.

Walker once stood on the left side of the Republican debate, favoring a path to citizenship for immigrants who entered the country illegally. He has since explained that he changed his mind in response to additional information.

Flip. Flarp.

Are Republican voters going to let him get away with this? Does he really think he can punt on a major political issue and still run for president without any sense of shame or self? Come to think of it, what does this schmuck know at all?

You all deserve Donald Trump by fielding all these fucking losers.

How Not To Constitution

Donald Trump has the lizard person vote locked down. He’s tapped into the collective amygdala of conservative voters. It doesn’t matter how many gaffes he produces, or how many times he upsets the natural order of politics-people love the spectacle. I myself am going to wear a “Trump ’16” shirt so long as Donald rides high. It would be a dream come true if he is the nominee. I’m still in the tank for Clinton, but if Trump keeps up this charade of being a serious candidate and people dig it, maybe, just maybe I will pull the lever for Sanders. Because in the end, I don’t expect the voters to elect a narcissistic sociopath.

Perhaps that is giving Republicans and the citizenry at large too much credit.

But anyway, let me segue into this; on any given day, Donald Trump has no idea what he is talking about. He’s like the proverbial broken clock. He’s wrong all day, with few exceptions. This is not exclusive to Trump. Most, if not all of the GOP contenders are saying stupid shit that makes no sense. But here’s a good one. Donald Trump despises brown people so much that he’s ready to challenge the legality of the Fourteenth Amendment.

Yes. You saw those words. Donald Trump wants to render parts of the Constitution unconstiutional. It’s like a Mobius strip of stupid.

Birthright citizenship is guaranteed by the Fourteenth Amendment, which reads “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and the State wherein they reside.”

The real estate magnate, however, claims that those born on U.S. soil to illegal immigrants don’t have full citizens’ rights. “What happens is they’re in Mexico, they’re going to have a baby, they move over here for a couple of days, they have the baby,” he told O’Reilly. Trump asserted, “Many lawyers are saying that’s not the way it is in terms of this,” and went on to say, “They are saying it is not going to hold up in court. It will have to be tested but they say it will not hold up in court.”

So since he can’t change the Constitution to stop illegal immigration, he has to abridge it. For a party that loves to wave that fucking document around, Republicans sure don’t like it much or understand its nature.

I’d vote for a turkey sandwich before I elected this maniac.

Not To Nitpick, But…

I think Bernie Sanders is a mensch. But even the “left” wing in this country is sometimes, well, right-wing. It appears that Sanders is an isolationist and a protectionist:

As Sanders has climbed in the polls… the (more) pro-capitalist and nationalist content of his politics (have) become increasingly clear. An interview with Sanders released Tuesday by former Washington Post writer Ezra Klein for the Vox web site is particularly revealing in this regard.

About halfway through the interview, Klein asks Sanders about his attitude towards immigration. “You said being a democratic socialist means a more international view,” Klein says. “I think if you take global poverty that seriously, it leads you to conclusions that in the US are considered out of political bounds. Things like sharply raising the level of immigration we permit, even up to a level of open borders.”

At this point, Sanders abruptly cuts off Klein, saying, “Open borders? No, that’s a Koch brothers proposal.” “Really?” Klein responds, apparently taken aback. “Of course,” Sanders replies. “That’s a right-wing proposal, which says essentially there is no United States… It would make everybody in America poorer.”

Sanders continues: “You’re doing away with the concept of a nation state, and I don’t think there’s any country in the world that believes in that… What right-wing people in this country would love is an open border policy. Bring in all kinds of people, work for $2 or $3 an hour. That would be great for them… You think we should open the borders and bring in a lot of low-wage workers, or do you think maybe we should try to get jobs for those [American] kids?

Here’s a great takedown of this remarkably non-socialist stance here.

We already have a de facto open border-and millions of people come to work and stay here under the harshest conditions-yet it is better to be here and toil than go back to Mexico to ply their trades. The correct answer to this problem is if you have an open border, there must be new labor laws that forbid the exploitation system as it is now. The economy will absorb all this extra spending by those people, and expand the tax base. That’s not right-wing at all. Sanders seems to think that Americans will want to do these jobs-and he’s wrong. As I have said before, you won’t see people up and doing like Tom Joad trying to find their way by moving to where these jobs are stationed. Better to work at the local Pizza Hut making $9 an hour and live in your mom’s basement than make that trek.

The important point to be made here is that we can walk and chew gum at the same time. Open border does not equal the loss of American jobs, nor does it equal a poorer nation. We are much richer because of our immigrants. Always have been.

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