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Hamming It Up

Ken Ham, the bible brandishing, excitable, man-sized rodent is twittering nervously about shit he doesn’t understand again. Much like Donald Trump, he can’t stand to be alone with his thoughts for long because they make him sad-so he takes to the digital dump and blurts out his righteous, albeit defensive, ruminations.

I get it, Ken. Your non-seaworthy conceit is a flop. I suppose if I wasted 18 million dollars of Kentucky tax money I’d be a little on edge myself. I’d have taken to drinking or worse by now. But not you, Ken. You’re getting out in front of this and preaching the truth! How can I not be convicted when you tweet things like

Evolution is a supposed process involving death, death & more death–death is a necessary part–death for everyone–it’s a religion of death

Wowsers, Ken. I never thought of it that way. I bet no one has-who’d want to? But let me focus you a bit. You’ve got evolution confused with life itself. Evolution is a process of change, not death. Life, necessarily, involves death death death and so forth. It’s rather self evident. Don’t be afraid! That’s not religion. It’s real. What do we do with death? We punch it in its stupid death face. We say what Nietzsche said:“Was that life? Well then, once more!”Now, what else have you got for us?

Atheism is a blind faith that doesn’t explain the evidence and is not confirmed by observational science-it’s the religion of naturalism

Scattering like buckshot tonight, eh, Ken? No problem. I want to call your pronouncements strawmen but let’s keep it real simple since you do. Look, brother, I love you, but crawl up your own ass and die with this “atheism is a faith” garbage. I. Don’t. Have. Any. Belief. In. God. Period. I pretty much lack the faith gene-lord knows I tried to believe for a decade or so. Faith and belief require activity, Ken, a type of activity which I do not pursue. As for the evidence, I’ve seen what passes for evidence from you-you’ve raised scripture-twisting to an art, pulling out bullshit from between every holy word.

Ken, you’ve got me stymied on whether or not I am a “naturalist”. Good thing I am here on a blog where I can take a minute to prepare myself for an accusation. I think I may have read a book or two of its genre. Google:

a philosophical viewpoint according to which everything arises from natural properties and causes, and supernatural or spiritual explanations are excluded or discounted.

Guilty. That’s all I have to go on; that’s about all I know so far. But it begs the question: so fucking what? Once again, am I to be convicted because of my ignorance? Not by you or your kind. Never. People who are certain scare me.

But by now we should all be bedazzled by your logic, and therefore you deliver your coup de grace:

Christianity is a faith that explains the evidence and is confirmed by observational science–it’s the true faith.

And it is here that we find the source of Ken’s loneliness, because there aren’t even very many believers who think that is true. Most Christians are very comfy with compartmentalizing faith and science. Rare is the bird who thinks that bastardized cut and paste book contains all the secrets of the universe. I’ve read it a few times. It really isn’t that good as books go. Shit, Dianetics makes more sense than Christianity if I’m completely honest.

I gotta go, Ken. My religious, naturalistic, death loving life calls. Fuck yourself hard, would you?

Lazy Day

It’s Sunday. I’m kind of tired. Go read Why Evolution Is True instead of here. He addresses the creationist “you weren’t there so how can you say it happened” claptrap regarding the distant past. I took a stab at it, but WEIT found the words I was lacking. A small sample:

None of us were there during the American Revolution either, or when Julius Caesar was assassinated. Reader George probably never met his great-grandparents. How can he prove they existed? The same way we find evidence of any past event! If science relied only on things we could see happen in our lifetimes, we would be immensely less knowledgeable.

Science 1, God 0.

Alternately, you can check out what’s on my mental jukebox.

Alternative Realities

Yesterday we talked about people inventing their own realities because they can’t reconcile actual reality with their cockamamie religious beliefs.

It appears that we have to go a little further down the rabbit hole, friends. I’ll try and back us out soon. But I can’t pass this up:

Australian Nick Jensen says that if same-sex marriage is introduced, he and his wife will divorce.

Writing in the Canberra City News, Mr Jensen says he will continue to live with his wife, Sarah, and their children – and they will still consider themselves married. But they will no longer be legally married.

“If our federal parliament votes to change the timeless and organic definition of marriage later on this year, it will have moved against the fundamental and foundational building block of Australian society and, indeed, human culture everywhere.

“Indeed, it raises a red flag when a government decides it is not content only having sovereignty over land, taxes and the military — but ‘words’ themselves.

“This is why we are willing to divorce. By changing the definition of marriage, ‘marriage’ will, in years to come, have an altogether different sense and purpose.”

This type of behavior has a name. It’s right here…tip of my tongue, ah yes:


By all means though, go ahead and hobble your own marriage to protest someone else’s. The Lord loves the righteous, but does he love the self-righteous as well?

The reason, however, is that, as Christians, we believe marriage is not a human invention.

Our view is that marriage is a fundamental order of creation. Part of God’s intimate story for human history. Marriage is the union of a man and a woman before a community in the sight of God. And the marriage of any couple is important to God regardless of whether that couple recognises God’s involvement or authority in it.

Nope, sorry, it is totally a human invention, one that popped up in multiple places predating or in concurrence with Judaism. But for these dolts, the Bible is their history book. If it didn’t happen to the goddamned Jews, it apparently didn’t happen at all.

Gay marriage is on track to be the most significant culture bomb since integration. There are a host of people ready to die on this battlefield. Get ready. The time is nigh, and when the detonation occurs (which I believe it will) I suspect there will be much gnashing of teeth and garment-rending similar to this.

Laugh Of The Day

Friendly Atheist has found some serious, oxygen depleted mental retardation on BarbWire. This breaks my policy of not linking wingnut websites so as not to give them advertising dollars, but you gotta see this in all its stupid glory. I’m only gonna give you a taste-you must continue on your own, and you can leave thoughtful comments when you are done:

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that God created dinosaurs.

No one that we know of has ever seen one, and our interpretations of the fossils are subject to never-ending revision. But still, those great big bones had to fit together some way. Maybe someday we’ll figure out what any dinosaur was really like.

You really have to work hard to be this ignorant. But, we weren’t there, so ha!

The difficulty is that dinosaurs are nowhere specifically mentioned in the Bible.

OK, by your measure, if it ain’t in the Bible, it ain’t true, so what the fuck?

That doesn’t mean we can’t prayerfully consider the matter and use our brains for something more than cooking up mischief.

Note the author’s use of the word “brain”. Y’know, that organ he’s not using.

It’s my personal belief that God has put the dinosaurs somewhere else, where they can’t eat people, and where numbskulls can’t try to put them into an amusement park and charge money to see them.

Oh, we’re the numbskulls. God damn, that’s some tasty projection and a damn fine example of the Dunning-Kruger effect. I’ve been saving this meme for a special occasion:


These people are being fruitful and multiplying. They have their own absurd little world, shielding themselves from any knowledge whatsoever. Which is funny, because their Adam ate from a tree that produced it. Go figure.

Labors Of Hercules

I’m not Wonkette. I do not have infinite patience for the sad and absurd in the world, nor do I make any money chronically cataloguing it. Sometimes I find something so godawfully fucked up that I just have to hang my head, shake it slowly back and forth and go, “damn”.

That’s what happens to me when I read about Megan Fox. No, not this one:


Maybe you haven’t heard of the other one I know. Here’s that one:


What’s in a name, right? Well, they may have something in common. They are both not very bright. They are also good at acting. The first Megan is an action star. The other one is a walking comedy. Sadly, we will be talking about the second one today.

Megan Fox is a Christian homeschooler. She once went to a science museum and “audited” the exhibits about the evolution of life. I don’t recommend that you watch that for more than a few minutes. I don’t want you to be convinced that she is right and lose you to the light side. No, it’s more like am trying to save you from a nosebleed. I myself haven’t been able to finish it. Now, normally, if you’re going to prove a scientific theory wrong, you must at least know as much as the theoretician about the subject matter before you go about critiquing it. It stands to reason that you must first understand something before you try to fix it. Megan doesn’t roll that way, though. She made a horse’s ass of herself, snarking at the exhibits and “debunking” them with her all-too-common sense. Then she went to a creationist museum and her Occam’s Razor suddenly got dull, proclaiming it “convincing”. Because supernatural beings and Noah’s Ark certainly sound less crazy than how life became and becomes so diversified.

Megan honey, sarcasm and funny faces have not, and likely will not dislodge the theory of evolution from the scientific canon-much as my sarcasm will not dislodge you from believing in your creationism. Maybe it’s a matter of taste. Megan believes what her Bible tells her to. I  think the scientific method is the best way to find out what things are and what things happened. Proving the existence of God relies on a simple tautology; that the bible is the true Word of God. Why? Because the bible says so. I prefer the idea of an evolving (sorry, Megan) body of accumulated knowledge that is testable and falsifiable. Megan’s “science” would have me look around at how perfect this world is, and how it must have been created by God. But we have microscopes and telescopes telling us that order and beauty is an illusion. Those who perform observations have been wrong about shit all the live long day. But slowly but surely we learn more about the things in this strange and improbable universe, and we don’t think a even more improbable god is the key to knowing it all. And they call the best of our tested hypotheses facts. Facts are hard to disprove. And evolution is one of those facts. Megan, you must know the theory of evolution like the back of your hand if you want to “audit” it. I bet you have never cracked open “On The Origin Of Species” to find out how natural selection works, or even Googled yourself into knowing about it.  And the video makes clear that she is painfully ignorant of actual evolutionary theory. She relies on tired canards like “we weren’t there so we don’t know” or things “why don’t bears turn into horses”?

I ain’t no expert, but I have a basic familiarity with speciation, genetic drift, die-offs, bottlenecks, dead ends, and the environment’s factorial effect on its lifeforms. Bears don’t turn into horses because they are not on the same tree of species, you half-wit. No evolutionary biologist is asserting that that ever, ever happened. And nothing happened instantaneously-macro evolution takes eons to occur. The complexity of life didn’t just happen (oh, wait, to you it did!).  And the idea that just because we weren’t there it isn’t possible to know anything about that location or time period is beyond the pale. I believe in the expansion of the universe because of the Doppler effect, and I believe that dinosaurs existed millions and millions of years ago because stratigraphy and radiometric analysis of fossils tells us that it is true. I believe in endosymbiosis, the theory that shows that the organelles of our cells may be the remnants of ancient prokaryotic bacteria that came together to form the eukaryotic cells that make up us and all the other complex life forms. These are pieces of knowledge I have gathered as a curious individual. They have been confirmed by rigorous testing. And until someone unlike Megan Fox comes up with a scientific refutation of these theories, I will probably not change my mind. I wonder Megan, since you weren’t there for creation, how can you know it happened your way? Nope, gimme that Bible, dingaling.

To make a long story short, Fox can make fun of evolutionary theory because she doesn’t understand a word of it. Her whole idea of evolution is one big strawman. She is the stupid’s smart. She’s not even that-she’s just plain stupid, and we have to share oxygen with her, even though from an evolutionary standpoint that is inadvisable.

Dumbass Insists On Remaining Dumb

Another dipshit creationist insists on the 6,000 year old version of the earth even though he finds fossils that are 60,000,000 years old where he works:

Canadian Creationist Edgar Nernberg has struggled to defend his claim that the Earth is only 6,000 years old this week after he dug up a fossil that scientists say is 60 million years old.

Nernberg, who volunteers at a museum that teaches humans lived alongside dinosaurs, told the Calgary Sun that he wasn’t buying it.

“There’s no dates stamped on these things,” Nernberg quipped.

Ho, ho, ho! Funnier than fuck! Hey shit for brains, there is a date stamped on them. Learn basic geology. Get your nose out of the Bible and learn about the real world. It’s right at your fingertips, you simpleminded asshat!

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