There’s a meme out there somewhere that says that having (some number, sorry) illegal aliens in the country is better than one (Trump supporter, Republican…again, sorry).
No one has given me more reason to spottily remember it than good ol’ Todd Starnes. He’s one of those conservatives that derive their adult strength from Jesus and belittling unfortunate people after a school career likely marked by swirlies and getting shoved in lockers. Todd is a mealymouthed little twink with nothing to offer to a civil debate.
Before I begin shredding Todd, I had something of an epiphany about the immigration debate whilst trolling my brother’s Facebook page a few days ago, watching so-called Christians get all huffy about immigrants. I developed an axiom: if you have a lot to say against “illegals”, you’re a racist. Don’t give me that crap about breaking “laws”. That’s your cover story. You have issues with people whose skin color is not like yours and who don’t speak like you. You have probably never been hurt by an illegal (or been exposed to risk from them to a greater degree than you are vulnerable to homemade criminals), none of them have taken your job (in point of fact, they are doing the jobs you won’t do), and they do pay taxes without receiving benefits.
You are hung up because you are a prejudiced asshole. End of discussion. There’s a hundred things to bitch about regarding American life but choosing to plant your flag in this discussion above so many other deserving problems says something about you.
As it happens, being cruel to immigrants is as old as the country itself. For all of our talk about being a melting pot, we have always demeaned the latest wave of immigrants once we have become “Americanized”.
What’s in the name “Starnes”, I wonder? Most Starnes’ are from England, and the name’s root means “stern, uncompromising, austere”. I guess that fits him quite well, if only he didn’t look like look like a rodent who is packing his cheeks for winter:
Anyway, Todd’s as white as can be, hailing from the mother country. If there was an immigrant wave, you can bet a Starnes looked down on it.
Here’s the inconvenient truth on immigration. The problem is intractable and the current boob-in-chief, try as he might, will not fix it. Illegal immigration is a linchpin of daily American life. I wouldn’t be able to afford a chicken breast or enjoy a bunch of grapes if mega-food corporations used labor that they would pay in wampum if they could get away with it. This is the ugly reality sitting just below the surface of our American happy-go-lucky lives; that our polite survival is based, yet again, on slave labor. We don’t get paid enough in this country to make rent, how are we going to deal when a pack of chicken breasts costs eighteen dollars? Am I an amnesty supporter? Yes, of course I am. But a whole range of labor reforms would have to be tackled before we handle how to pay immigrants for the suckiest work that’s ever sucked. If indeed the aim of our corporate masters is to find that sweet spot for all of us between penury and subsistence, then the illegal immigrant issue will not get “fixed”. It’s going to stay the way they like it, and all of you stupid fucks like Todd Starnes will go on believing your bought off politicians when they say they’re going to scratch your racist itch.
Then there’s DACA. Children of undocumented immigrants born here face a possibility of being sent to a country they don’t know and didn’t come from. That is truly frightening shit and should NEVER happen here. Some of these kids are pursuing academics and serving in the armed forces. Donald Trump could have left DACA as it was, but he purposely kicked the legs out from under it, claiming it was not legal and punting the issue to Congress, where it was guaranteed to languish until it could be used as a bargaining chip in the scorched-earth politics Mitch McConnell trafficks in. Not feeling for these kids who were born of undocumented parents makes you a true scumbag.
So anyway, let’s go look at what the terminally punchable Starnes has to say today:
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and a number of other Democrats plan to fill the House gallery with illegal aliens when President Trump delivers his first State of the Union address on Tuesday.
ABC News reports at least 24 House Democrats plan to bring illegals — the so-called “Dreamers” — to watch the Tuesday night speech from the House gallery.
Whoa! Stop right there, Todd. As I explained above, there is a yuge difference between an “illegal” and a “dreamer”. “Dreamers” have until at least mid-March (and possibly beyond pending a court order to block the end of protections) before they can be targeted for removal. They are not illegal yet, you dumbshit.
The illegal aliens will be sitting in seats that in previous years were meant for brave military heroes, law-abiding taxpayers and America’s best and brightest.
Again, see above on the issue of taxes. Furthermore, there’s almost a thousand “dreamers” serving honorably in the military, which is way more than you can say for chickenhawks like Todd Starnes and Donald Trump for that matter.
The sad truth is that Democrats would rather align themselves with foreign invaders who violated our national sovereignty, thumbed their nose at the rule of law, and pillaged and plundered taxpayer-funded resources.
Foreign “invaders”? Really with that hyperbole, Todd? You sound like a frightened little Pomeranian who snarls and snaps at anything unfamiliar that gets close to it. Buck up. You are a Starnes, damn it.
In response, President Trump should fill the remainder of the House gallery with Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents.
Imagine the message he could send to the world if he directed ICE agents to arrest every illegal alien in the House chamber – live on national television.
Aside from this being one of the most demented un-American fantasies I have seen in a while, once again, you stupid fuck-these people are legal.
There’s really not much point in more blow-by-blow here, because he gets basic facts wrong repeatedly. The whole piece is predicated on bullshit. But I hope I have made clear here that immigrants have so much to offer this country, way more than angry, hyperventilating white dorks who write a Fox opinion column whose only purpose is to spread misunderstanding and fear do.
When it comes to shutting the fuck up at the right time, conservatives have had it hard. Generally, they’re rude assholes with unpopular and controversial opinions. And you are to blame if you recognize this-you’re just politically correct if you are offended. They’ll never understand that you just aren’t an asshole.
Anyway, what I’m trying to get around to is that Josh Marshall’s baby TPM gleefully reported that Glenn Reynolds, the Instapundit, has been suspended from Twitter. Glenn made his bones in the early days of the blogosphere by serving as a clearinghouse for conservative thought. His posts would consist of a cut and paste from some shiny thing he found, and then he would invariably add the phrase “Heh. Indeed.”to the end of of it. Yup, that’s all- and he was the #1 stop for conservative blog readers for years because of it. And like everyone else who got heavy traffic back then, he now has a paying gig in the post-blog world. It used to annoy me-I mean, I didn’t work especially hard, but some bloggers really had it easy for no discernible reason.
So Glenn does longform now at USA Today-and his latest argument seems to be that we should vote for Trump because he will fuck up things so much that the rest of the government will wake up, turn against him and do its job. This is not an original strain of thought; it’s actually similar to an argument used by angry lefties who think that electing Trump will be so bad that it will bring about their true revolutionary sweetheart once he is done ruining everything. I don’t know about you folks, but I don’t bet unless I know I’m going to win, and I wouldn’t bet on either of those rosy scenarios. They sound good, they have a certain internal logic to them, but they are ultimately bullshit and wishful thinking. But nevermind that for now. It seems that Glenn misses shortform commentary-and you know where to go for that! Sometime before 9pm last night, he tweeted his response to the blockage of traffic by Charlotte protestors:
“Run them down.”
Someone had an extra gin and tonic while leaning over his keyboard last night. But really, it’s actually what he thinks. He’s just getting caught for it. Being mean-spirited is part of the conservative psyche-there’s always a shitty opinion about someone or something rattling around in their heads. Sometimes it’s cloaked really well and very intellectual. Sometimes, it’s only 140 characters or less.
UPDATE: You didn’t really think that Reynolds was going to let this go, did you? Right on cue, he played the aggrieved, censored victim of political correctness. Why, he’s just a reasonable, misunderstood citizen:
“I fully support people protesting police actions, and I’ve been writing in support of greater accountability for police for years,” he wrote. “But riots aren’t peaceful protest. And blocking interstates and trapping people in their cars is not peaceful protest — it’s threatening and dangerous, especially against the background of people rioting, cops being injured, civilian-on-civilian shootings, and so on.
Now I know this sounds quasi-rational. But it’s really just his made up way of not having to be contrite for telling people to run down protestors. This here is my fave, though:
I wouldn’t actually aim for people blocking the road, but I wouldn’t stop because I’d fear for my safety, as I think any reasonable person would.”
Run them down, but don’t aim! And the Ben Carsonesque advice to just drive through the protest is hilarious. There must be so few reasonable people, since no one fucking does this, Glenn. What a fucking warrior you are. Give me a break.
Hello, white guy here with something to say about Black Power.
Fuck yeah. Raise the rooftops with that shit. Terrify the racist establishment. The very fact that this is even controversial shows that they are. It’s amazing to me how say, no one bats an eyelash over southern pride, but heaven forbid we have strong African American leaders (and females too)!
Slowly but surely, the South is being dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century. From my home state, again:
Effingham County High School’s mascot was the focus of a heated school board meeting held in Springfield Tuesday night.
A small group of people, led by the NAACP, want the mascot changed from the “Rebels”, usually pictured as a Confederate soldier holding a Confederate Flag.
“We have come to make a petition to right the wrong that should have been corrected 60 years ago,” said Leroy Lloyd, president of the Effingham NAACP.
The petition – made by the local NAACP – is for the school board to remove the use of all confederate symbols used by the school. This includes the Rebel mascot, the use of the Confederate flag, and the school’s “Dixie” fight song.
Some say the history and hate associated with these symbols cannot be severed.
Pastor Franklin Blanks, Jr., First Union Baptist Church, said, “We should do better. We cannot ignore this practice any longer. We ask you to do the respect of representing all citizens. Do what is fair and honest concerning this practice.”
I get it. It’s disrespectful at best and racist at worst. No student should have to go to a school whose mascots are symbols of a terroristic past. It isn’t cute nor should it be rousing. Sorry, Georgia.
Nevermind all that. We are entering the second phase of the civil rights movement and that can only be a good thing. But you can expect some pushback by the New Old racists, and if it weren’t so pernicious, it’d be downright funny:
But the overwhelming majority of people who attended Tuesday’s meeting disagreed.
Stanley Carter, resident, said, “You try to erase my heritage, you try to erase anything you think is racist. But the whole time you were up here, sir. I apologize, but everything you said was racist.”
Translation: You’re being racist if you talk about my racism. Well, Cooter, it doesn’t work that way. Black people are allowed to discuss systemic racism without declaring superiority over white people. To take offense because someone else took offense is an asshole’s way out of a substantive debate, it’s tu quoque and it’s absurd.
Whitey runs the show everywhere you look. Complaining about having to cede some of your space to be hateful is lunacy. There’s plenty left-it just doesn’t have to take place on public grounds anymore. Put away your gray hats and flag. You lost the war and you’re going to lose this one too.
Heavily-armed members of a controversial right-wing “patriot” group added an extra dose of unease to protests in Ferguson, Missouri, early Tuesday.
Protesters and police confirmed that a handful of Oath Keepers with what appeared to be assault rifles, bulletproof vest and camouflage gear were seen early Tuesday on the streets of Ferguson, which was under a state of emergency following demonstrations pegged to the anniversary of Michael Brown’s death.
Reporters from The Huffington Post and Washington Post have been charged with trespassing and interfering with a police officer’s performance, a chilling setback for press freedom coming nearly a year after their arrests in Ferguson, Missouri.
We are so fucked.
Even kids know that we were awful to Native Americans. We destroyed their way of life, forcibly converted them to our religion, and took their land with impunity. Then we killed a lot of them. So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that they don’t want to remember that dark period in their history. On the other hand, it’s the type of thing you don’t want to forget, lest it happen again.
In light of this, St. Louis University has removed from their campus a statue of a white preacher, converting some Native Americans on their knees. It’s an offensive tableau, and the school was right to remove it and send it to an art museum. But some white people couldn’t deal, and one of them was Tucker Carlson. You’re not going to believe this, but he accused the school of “reverse racism” against whites on Fox “News”:
Carlson didn’t buy the idea that the image of a European missionary towering above two Native Americans while holding a cross and converting them could possibly suggest white supremacy (or Christian supremacy), however.
“Why? Because he was a white supremacist?” Carlson asked, missing the point of the decision by a wide margin. “No! Because he was white!”
Tucker then tore off on a rant, saying that the college was “committing an act of racism” and “[DeSmet’s] skin color is itself considered so offense by the school that the statue itself can no longer be on display” –even though the statue will still be on display in the Museum of Art.
Poor, poor white people. So put upon. They’ve been discriminated against, killed, disenfranchised and enslaved. Right? Oh, maybe I’m talking about the history of every non-white person in America. My bad.
Tucker, like most conservatives, does not know the meaning of racism. Racism occurs when you feel yourself to be superior to another group. Because of that, “reverse racism” means absolutely nothing. I have yet to run into the minority who feels itself “superior” to whites. It’s just not their bag. It’s ours. You don’t have a choice to be “racist” as the antagonized group.
Fuck these Whitey-McWhitewhites like Carlson and his ilk. They have unbelievable balls whinging that they are being discriminated against. They don’t know what that means. Because they never went through that horror, and never will.
UPDATE Dec 8, 2016: This page gets hit at least 1-3 times a day. A virtual cookie for someone who can tell me how they got here, because Google masks its search terms to me.
UPDATE Dec 9, 2016: First part in a series on why he’s still an asshole up now.
UPDATE Feb 22, 2017: I didn’t forget, I’m just slow. More assholic behavior from Carlson.