Rationally speaking, anyone in the GOP who is trying to say the most incendiary shit their little fevered pea-brains con conceive of should be enjoying a prime spot in the pack of hopeless hopefuls. But that theory breaks down when we talk about Mike Huckabee. Why?
Simply put, he’s not a novelty. He’s been doing this for years with no success. He’s not black and Republican. He’s not a failed businessman with oodles of cash spared from bankruptcy court. He’s just your typical Jesus-sucking asshole who sounds like your cranky uncle. Witness:
On Thursday, Huckabee continued his streak by saying people convicted of crimes should be sold into slavery.
Host Jan Mickelson said the modern criminal justice system has been “taken over by progressives,” and said punishment should be modeled instead of the Bible’s Old Testament Book of Exodus.
“It says, if a person steals, they have to pay it back two-fold, four-fold. If they don’t have anything, we’re supposed to take them down and sell them,” he said.
It’s better that prisoners be indentured so that they must “spend their time not sitting on their stump in a jail cell — they’re supposed to be working off debt… Wouldn’t that be a better choice?” Mickelson asked.
“Well, it really would be,” Huckabee responded. “Sometimes the best way to deal with a nonviolent criminal behavior is what you just suggested.”
Aside from the obvious stupidity of this conversation, hang on a minute. Non-violent criminals should be indentured? Really? To whom? The guy who gets caught with a few joints has to what-work off his sentence? A shoplifter has to labor for the company he stole from until the value of his theft is paid back fourfold? Folks, it’s a sad enough world as it is when we don’t pity our petty criminals.It may have worked in biblical times-but haven’t we come a long way since then? Why are we using some musty book to judge our law-breakers? I know the answer to that, though.
I wonder if the same cruel statutes would apply to tax-evaders and inside traders. But I know that ain’t who Mike and this moron are talking about. They’re talking about the desperate and destitute. It’s part of the GOP DNA to take giant shits on top of the lower class while happily servicing rich scum.
But I’ve already said too much. Mike Huckabee would not even win a presidential primary where his opposition was a ham sandwich. I should ignore him. Even Fox News spurned him. Let him sputter away, and I shall speak of thee no more.