Daily Archives: January 3, 2017

Fly, Blackburn, Fly

Marsha-Marsha-Marsha Blackburn, representative of Tennessee, is a favorite here at the seminary. We love and simultaneously revile her for being one of the stupidest fucking congresspeople in the capitol. She’s puzzled a number of talking heads with her slightly retarded homespun conservatism, and this week her victim was CNN’s Alisyn Camerota, who ought to know what Blackburn is all about from being a Fox fox back in the O.G. days of that channel. Since we are now living in the novel 1984, Blackburn thinks that getting rid of the extra House oversight Democrats put in place 7 years ago will…wait for it…eh, I’ll let Marsha take it away:

“Any time you can provide more accountability and more transparency to any process that is in place, then you’re going to take another step toward draining the swamp,” Blackburn said, echoing a campaign promise by Donald Trump. “I am all for draining the swamp. I think that anyone who knows me knows that I’ve spent much of my career on reducing the size, the scope and the cost of the federal government, and in its place putting transparency and accountability.”

Got that?

Less oversight=more accountability.

Don’t think about it too much. This is Marsha Blackburn we are talking about.

But it was poor Camerota who needed to soldier on, and parried with a good rejoinder:

CNN’s Alisyn Camerota said, if she’s worried about transparency, that Blackburn should understand why Democrats were concerned that the measure was passed without their input during a nighttime, closed-door meeting.

Blackburn didn’t blink:

“Most people would say 5 o’clock in the afternoon is not at night,” Blackburn said, shrugging. “We could discuss that. It does start getting dark outside.”

It’s after business hours, dipshit. But semantics is often all these morons are good for. So anyway, she finishes with her own awkward false equivalence, the standard go-to when Republicans are cornered:

Blackburn suggested congressional Democrats were hypocrites for holding a private strategy session with President Barack Obama.

“The Democrats have their meeting behind closed doors also, and on Wednesday, when the president comes to talk to them about how to fight against the repeal of Obamacare, they’re going to do that one behind closed doors,” Blackburn said, punctuating her attack with a wink.

What fucking adult WINKS in the middle of a serious conversation? Sarah Palin and Marsha Blackburn do, I guess. But that’s beside the point. A secret vote was held without Democrats about disbanding oversight mechanisms. That is not the same as discussing strategies to resist the destruction of Obamacare. Rules changes are fucking important-and shutting out the minority party from voting is real cloak and dagger bullshit.

Fortunately, they will not be getting away with it. Good old people power and a bizarre rebuke from The Don saved the day. My hope for this country’s future is stronger knowing that even House Republicans can feel shame.

Here’s a link to the clip, so you can watch Camerota’s pain trying to get a handle on a very slippery politician. I haven’t figured out how to embed Twitter video, sorry.

Shut Up And Eat

I find Anthony Bourdain to be an interesting entertainer. I don’t watch anything he does, but from what little I have seen he seems like an affable, witty, and occasionally irascible gourmand. My wife thinks he’s brilliant. I got her one of his cookbooks for Christmas, the one with Ralph Steadman art in it. We had his sausage heros last night with toasted bread, caramelized onion and green pepper.

Thanks, Mr. Bourdain. That was really good.

Mr. Bourdain, by dint of his successful TV endeavors involving food and travel, has emerged as a social critic as well. He has already vowed to boycott restaurants that Donald Trump owns or ones whose owners and chefs have supported the great orange one. Awesome. We should all do our part in shaming this incoming administration and not enabling it to do what it wants to do.

But Anthony can go fuck himself.

Anthony, as it turns out, is also calling out The Left.

Goaded by the assholes at the glibertarian Reason magazine, he offered these thoughts on his comrades:

Bisley: What concerns you about Trump?

Bourdain: What I am not concerned about with Trump? Wherever one lives in the world right now I wouldn’t feel too comfortable about the rise of authoritarianism. I think it’s a global trend, and one that should be of concern to everyone.

Right there with you, Anthony. Until:

Bisley: You’re a liberal. What should liberals be critiquing their own side for?

Bourdain: There’s just so much. I hate the term political correctness, the way in which speech that is found to be unpleasant or offensive is often banned from universities. Which is exactly where speech that is potentially hurtful and offensive should be heard.

Alright, you’re starting to lose me a bit. In America, political correctness is really nothing more than politeness. Everyone thinks it’s about “offensive” speech. It is, but there’s a distinction to be made between saying the word “fuck” and saying the word “ni**er” or “faggot”. If we’re saying that we support uncomfortable truth telling, then I’m good with that-unless you are trying to hurt someone because of who they are. So really, I’m not sure what Bourdain is getting at unless his head is full of straw and he’s just mouthing platitudes. To be fair, Bourdain is talking about saying fuck, I guess- as he goes on to defend comedians. But that’s not political correctness that comedians are pushing against. That’s more like attacking censorship. And I support that.

Here’s where Bourdain fucks up royally:

The utter contempt with which privileged Eastern liberals such as myself discuss red-state, gun-country, working-class America as ridiculous and morons and rubes is largely responsible for the upswell of rage and contempt and desire to pull down the temple that we’re seeing now.

The self-congratulatory tone of the privileged left—just repeating and repeating and repeating the outrages of the opposition—this does not win hearts and minds.

Ever just get sick of liberals who somehow channel right wing stereotypes of themselves?

In fashion today is being a contrarian. This type of thinker sometimes imagines himself as elevated above partisan discourse because he can describe the warts upon his peers’ thinking just as well as his nemeses. Disagreeing with everyone, often for the sake of disagreeing, is the name of the game. People who have ego problems often exhibit this.

Herein lies danger, and Bourdain and many others do not see it.

No one will remember what you said about the other side. They will remember what you said about yours and throw it in your face at a later date. Everything the right wing thinks of liberals gets validated when we try to be “above the fray” or pretend to a false, guilt ridden self awareness.

That’s why Esquire repeated what you said just there and not much else, Anthony. The headline is that a liberal criticized liberals. I am 100% sure that the right wing media is sharing the fuck out of both articles, dumbass. Good job.

Let’s go back a bit, and remember that Bourdain has a beef with political correctness. What does one call this?

I’ve spent a lot of time in gun-country, God-fearing America. There are a hell of a lot of nice people out there, who are doing what everyone else in this world is trying to do: the best they can to get by, and take care of themselves and the people they love. When we deny them their basic humanity and legitimacy of their views, however different they may be than ours, when we mock them at every turn, and treat them with contempt, we do no one any good.

Wow. In addition to being prima facie evidence of political correctness, I haven’t seen the “Hitler was nice to his dog” defense in years. I think because they filled your belly and showed you a little about their way of life you think that they’re just salt of the earth, simple folk.

But anyone who votes Republican or holds conservative values is an asshole underneath, a moron and a rube. If you are taken in by ANY of it-you’ve got problems. Those god-fearing Americans also don’t care for gay rights because of their beliefs. Those gun toters show up at mosques and voting precincts armed, and some are gearing up for a new civil war. They don’t like poor people even if they are poor. They want women to go to term with every blastocyst that resides in their body. And there is no way in hell, Anthony, that they are ever going to be swayed by today’s Democratic party, where the gays and the Mexicans and the blacks and the women and the food stamp recipients find shelter. Simple people are just that-simple. And that lack of complexity is what makes them dangerous to others not like them. If believing this makes me smug and self congratulatory, so be it. I call a spade a spade. The red states have many sins to atone for. They will never change. Trump represents hate-there’s no two ways about it and if you heard something you liked from him and pulled the lever for Republicans, you are a damn fool and a hater too. Kim Davis probably makes a great quiche but she is a horrible human being.

Now is not the time to level conservative judgements at the liberal movement. Actually, it’s never time for it.

Hillary Clinton did her damn best to promise everyone a better future and it did no good. It was not our fault we lost, nor was it Bill Maher’s fault, who apparently is what he thinks of when he thinks about the left. Lighten up, Anthony. He’s a comedian, and he can be unpleasant and offensive. I thought you were into that. Make up your mind.

So the rubes made you dinner, dude. That doesn’t mean you understand them. Sometimes your gut is wrong.

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