Monthly Archives: March 2009

Missing In Action:Chuck Norris’ Sanity

Someone please give Chuck Norris gainful employment, thus saving us from this:

On Glenn Beck’s radio show last week, I quipped in response to our wayward federal government, “I may run for president of Texas.”

That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state.

It is never a good sign when an actor begins to act like one of his characters in real life.  Chuck Norris is not Walker, Joe The Plumber is not a plumber, and neither of them are pundits. There’s such a paucity of sense in conservative “thinking” I hardly know what to say. Neither does Chuck, because while appearing to be a clever play on words, this

the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state

is an impenetrable non sequitur.  I was previously unaware that a speech could make the Most Wanted list. I also did not know that a country could be an enemy of itself.  Mmmm,  Chuck, this bag of pretzel logic sure is nummy.

Chuck confirms what many people have obviously sussed by now; that conservatives are authoritarian nutbags. Chuck isn’t very bright, so I don’t expect him to realize that “enemy of the state” is only a movie, and the term is derived from a rhetorical tactic from guess who?- Joseph Stalin. Let’s look at some other scholarly lapses from Braddock:

George Washington advised, “The great rule of conduct in regard to foreign nations is in extending our relations [and] having with them as little political connection as possible.” Yet the Obama just pledged $900 million in U.S. taxpayer-funded aid to Hamas-controlled Gaza and Mahmoud Abbas’ Palestinian Authority.

Shape recognition time! What’s this, Chuck?


That is the shape of the largest recipient of  United States foreign aid. I urge Chuck to immediately condemn the government for its unequivocal anti-Washingtonian practices with regard to Israel.

Thomas Jefferson counseled us, “We must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt.” Yet the Feds have just skyrocketed our national deficit and debt by trillions of dollars, and it plans much more fiscal expansion with few expectations of resistance.

Guess Who? time. Name this man:


Guess what?


I am so glad Chuck took the vanguard on the ballooning debt issue. He’s been worrying about it since 2009. I also did not know the FBI had a hand in creating the debt crisis. Those fucking Feds.

Just see the rest for yourself, and make up your own jokes. This bitch would take up the entire front page if I were to address all the tortured logic in his column.

Alan Keyes Is Making…The Muttering Homeless Sound Like Rhodes Scholars

What’s more radical, a man who borrows to invest, or a man who thinks that civil war is coming?

Didja see that? Keyes claims Obama is a “radical communist”. He’s not just a communist, he’s a communist +1.  I think even Ann Coulter might have blushed at the suggestion.

To my amazement, Keyes is not just another right-wing blitherer. Motherfucker has a PhD in government affairs. Evidently, while jerking off to the Federalist papers, he may have missed some tiny details about communism… like, all of them. Even a self-taught schmo like me knows what communism is and what it is not.

Communism is…not socialism.

Communism is…not what the Russians, nor the Chinese, nor Cuba has practiced.

Communism is not…free education, free healthcare, or regulated business.

Communism is…and always will be, a nonexistent social system hatched in Frederich Engels’ basement, and never left the nest.

Ergo: Alan Keyes is the living embodiment of the adage that dumb-asses that go to school can still leave the school as dumb-asses. He also produces a corollary to another saw- that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.  Alot of knowledge is quite harmless.

None of the talking head wingnuts I’ve seen will embarrass themselves into going on record calling someone a communist. They have no problem with the S-word, but they will not take to the microphone sounding like HUAC on paint thinner.

But let’s talk about that S-word. Is Obama a socialist? No, he’s a Democrat, last time I checked his party affiliation. Are some new Obama policies socialistic? Yes. Is that a big deal? Nope. At the risk of sounding pedantic, socialism is not a big ‘S’ idea. And democracy is not a big ‘D’ word, and capitalism is not capitalized.

Observe: Baskin Robbins has 31 flavors. Now Baskin-Robbins is definitely one thing-an ice-cream purveyor; but if you look carefully through the plexiglass, you’ll note subtle differences in the types of ice cream offered. That’s important to remember, because the teenager at the counter will look at you like you have a dozen dicks shooting out of the top of your head if you just tell him you want ice cream. People behind you will wonder if you have had a concussion, or perhaps think you are a feral man-child who wandered into the suburbs.

So it goes with forms of government. I always enjoy pointing people here when they use the word socialism as if we were suddenly going to become soviets by executive order, screaming for ice-cream as it were. If you think that’s interesting, this will blow your black-and-white brain through the ceiling!

Something is new every day under the sun, ain’t it? Now go forth and speak of Alan Keyes as a real intellectual no more. If somehow you are not convinced of his batshit quotient, or just need a hearty laugh, please go here and look at the army of the (brain) dead he has assembled.

These people walk among you. Beware.


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