Monthly Archives: May 2016

It’s Coach For You

Well the thing I feared that would happen in Oklahoma just happened in Virginia:

Tamar Courtney and Morgan Strong have been together for six years and will be getting married this summer in Virginia. They wanted a friend to officiate the ceremony but after facing some difficulties in obtaining his license, they figured they would just go to the county courthouse and take care of the legal paperwork.

They had some issues obtaining a public servant in their home county, so they jumped over to another. They were rebuffed:

Morgan: … am I speaking with Bud Roth?

Roth: This is he.

Morgan: How you doing. I just received a phone call. I guess my fiancee had called up looking to be wed in Franklin County?

Roth: Tamar?

Morgan: Yeah.

Roth: Okay, yeah.

Morgan: Okay… and why was she declined the service?

Roth: Because she’s Agnostic and you’re an atheist. I will not marry you. You don’t believe in God.

Morgan: I mean… but… so that’s your judgment on it, correct?

Roth: That’s my decision. I’m not judging you. I just don’t marry anyone who does not believe in God [or] believes that there is a God someplace.

This is a miscarriage of social justice and I’m utterly repulsed by this treatment of non-believers. I love how in the end, the dickheaded public servant says “I’m not judging you.”

No. You don’t get to say “I’m not judging”, and then judge the couple unworthy of simple civil rights. Typical. Your whole fucking faith is based on circular logic, you sons of bitches. I can’t wait for the lawsuits to fly.

 

I’m Afraid I’m Afraid

My wife’s theory about Donald Trump is that he’s a closet Democrat. She may be right. Hard-right conservatives are appalled that this million dollar moron is going to lead the Republican party. So, perhaps.

My theory? I don’t think he wants to be president. See here. I think he might be scared shitless about running this country because he doesn’t know a thing about governing. Now the smart thing to do if you are in Donald Trump’s camp is to find someone who does, much like when George W. Bush allowed Dick Cheney to conduct policy.

But his short list of veeps just got a new addition: Sarah Palin. She’s already torpedoed one campaign, why not another? Do you see what I’m getting at? There was someone out there who is more repellent and stupider than Donald Trump, and he found her. If anything, his presidency will be unimpeachable were he to choose birdbrain for vice-president. No Democrat in his or her right mind would breathe the word because they know what the alternative is. But still, I think he’s trying to scare people away from him. He’s Dr. Frankenstein, and he knows it.

This country is so alarmingly fucked up. There’s a possible future that President Palin exists in. While Democrats fight amongst each other fecklessly, Donald Trump’s doing whatever it is that he is truly doing. He might be running a serious campaign for president. I can’t tell. And that spells danger for all of us.

While you worry, enjoy this Palinism generator. It captures the essence of her run-on, un-diagrammable style of speech quite well.

Onward Christian Soldiers

Republicans are in a real bind these days. They can’t do a thing to upset their constituency, unless your name is Donald Trump. But anyway, they can’t lose the Christian bible-humping right where a subset exists that is homophobic, and as we have seen from Target Lady, transphobic as well. It’s crucial that Republicans keep this group in their tent.

However, behind closed doors, even they get tired of overweening Christian displays:

Allen’s comments upset some members, who walked out of the Republican policy meeting in protest.

“It was f—ing ridiculous,” one Republican member in the room told The Hill.

“A good number of members were furious,” a Republican told Politico about Allen’s remarks. “There was some Scripture that was read and the like.”.

That’s my senator. I am sorry. My state gave you Jody Hice and this asshole.

Smarter minds than mine will eventually tease out why conservatives, the wing of personal liberty, consistently find themselves legislating some people’s morality against others. Lord only knows what their issue is. The reasoning is barely perceptible. They can’t all be closet homos, can they? The Bible is full of things people don’t believe are relevant any more, even Christians-why pick on LGBT folk?

If you are scared of non-traditional sex, and I believe that is the case, don’t engage in it and don’t look at it. Oh, you may have to see a float at a parade, but I’m sure the Lord can provide a special dispensation of forgiveness for viewing such perversity. And don’t go to college either, where you might find everything you know is wrong.

Unbreakable Kimmy Davis

Kim Davis, World’s Ugliest Person Inside And Out, is still blithering to anyone who will listen to her about her beef with teh gay and their marriaging. She should have fucking relegated herself to hiding in a cloister but no, our special snowflake chose public service. As you well know, that is not something she is good at because she thinks some public is better than other public.

On the latest episode of “Truths That Transform” from D. James Kennedy Ministries, the organization’s president, Frank Wright, interviewed Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis about her fight against the Supreme Court’s gay marriage decision, during which she refused to allow her office to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples because doing so conflicted with her religious beliefs.

“I was obeying my law,” she insisted.

Sweetcakes, no one has their own law. If we do, then I would like to tax the public for a rainy day fund dedicated to me for traveling the world, acquiring the best opium Afghanistan has to offer and I want to hire the entire Vivid stable to give me blow jobs twice a day. That is my law.

Hm. No one seems interested in my new edict. If I can’t have mine, Kim, neither can you. You were tasked to help the public but got icked out by two dudes wanting to love each other.

So now Kim, though not all that bright, decided to play semantics with some of the unfortunate couples:

“I had couples bring in the whole Supreme Court ruling and I said, ‘You know, I really don’t need to see this because that’s not a law, that’s a ruling.’

Yes. Correct. The one that doesn’t allow the government to make its own laws regarding gay marriage, You ma’am, like it or not, are bound to not do that, as part of a government operation. You and your kind tried to make your own law, and now it is unconstitutional. Your “law” is what caused the Obergfell  “ruling” to happen in the first place.

“And so then I go to the Bible and I’d tell them, [and they’d respond,] ‘Don’t be reading me the Bible.’ Well, you asked why I couldn’t issue you a marriage license and I’m explaining to you, I’m showing you why I cannot. They didn’t want to hear that though. They wanted to shove that paper down my throat and make me eat it for my dinner.”

If I was gay and wanted to get married, I’d probably want to make you eat that paper too or at least brain you upside the head with it for your obstinacy and your bible-thumping. You passed judgment-something I believe you are not to do as a Christian. You used god’s book to make them lesser beings.

I hope you feel good about it, you stupid bitch. I thought you were gone but you’re going to milk this shit for all it is worth.

 

Doubting Thomas

Well, wouldn’t you know it, Clarence Thomas can speak. He’s been caught napping at oral arguments and never writes an opinion or examines a case. He’s as useless as a football bat on the bench, a cipher and rubber stamper of all decisions conservative.

The term “political correctness” has been beaten like a dog who just took a wet shit on your carpet. We’ve rendered it totally meaningless. When conservatives use the phrase, it means “I am about to be an asshole because it’s my right”. To liberals like me, I like inclusive language that doesn’t leave out or offend minorities. I am not 100% good at this, and nobody really is. We try our best not to make mistakes.

So it is with this in mind that I present to you Clarence Thomas speaking(!) at a commencement:

Clarence Thomas addressed the connection between liberty and personal responsibility in a powerful commencement address yesterday, lamenting what he called “a bygone era” of the “hallmarks of my youth”.

“Do not hide your faith and your beliefs under a bushel basket, especially in this world that seems to have gone mad with political correctness.”

Using his upbringing on a farm as a frame of reference, Thomas said that these days, “hallmarks of my youth, such as patriotism and religion, seem more like outliers, if not afterthoughts.”

“In that context, when we heard the words ‘duty,’ ‘honor,’ ‘country,’ no more needed to be said. But that is a bygone era.”

And so on.

Let’s slow down, ace. The world is not going “mad” because people try to approach things in a non-offensive manner. I’m very sorry that you can’t speak without being a jerk. Fuck you.

Furthermore, as a good regressive(a better word than conservative sometimes), he pines for the olden days that don’t exist.

You lived on a farm, brother. The bygone era you are referring to is an era where blacks and whites had their own separate water fountains and had food dumped on their head when one of them dared to eat a the Woolworth’s counter. It was an era where blacks had to battle firehoses and dogs to get the slightest amount of justice. It was a time when a young black boy was chained to a truck and dragged to death by whites.

Still think your idyll exists, farm boy? Wrong. You’re the worst kind of sellout, with the typical Republican way of thinking that just because something does or does not happen to you, it doesn’t exist.

An Asshole Returns

Ben Carson, my erstwhile Oreo cookie whipping boy of this year’s pack of shitsacks otherwise known as Republican “candidates” has belched some more moral sewage into the political arena by suggesting that it’s wrong to judge Donald Trump regarding his lascivious treatment of the women surrounding him, because Christian:

Dr. Ben Carson argued on Sunday that Christians should not “judge” GOP presidential front-runner Donald Trump based on his treatment of women.

Carson argued that Trump had “elevated a lot of women in his organization.”

“So as a Christian, what I do do is not judge everybody,” he said. “And that seems to be something that a lot of people have got into. ‘I’m better than you are.’ Give me a break. Let’s just stop for a moment.”

So, using Uncle Ben’s logic, even a rapist or a killer is not worthy of judgement. I’ve run into this bullshit before; Christians judge all the livelong day, but then of course when the tables have turned on them and someone judges them, they say that “only God is fit to judge”.

Whatever. It is hardwired into us to judge. Without the ability to judge, I might walk into heavy traffic because my brain is incapable of spotting danger. It applies to politics; you’re damn right I judge because I don’t want your crazy ass or your friend of the week anywhere near high office. Judging, it turns out, is how you gain your sense of self. Denying this evolutionary advantage is absurd, but that is the Christian way-to deny our basic instincts.

Donald Trump is right. This election is gonna be great, the best.

 

Blending In

Maybe I’m missing something, but we do have one legal system in America, do we not? One story makes me think otherwise:

A bill that would have made Sharia law an illegal defense in South Carolina courts was narrowly defeated in the Senate Wednesday after no discussion.

Why?

The bill, sponsored by Republican Rep. Chip Limehouse, would have prevented an attorney from arguing that the laws of a client’s home country allow for certain actions.

Sharia law is the legal framework where the public and some private aspects of life are regulated under legal systems based on Islam.

Now if there’s one thing I hate, it’s making me agree with a conservative. I’m sorry; I’m not “Mr. Law and Order” but I still believe in the primacy of our native judicial system.

I must be missing something. I wish someone who is a Muslim would reach out and see my plea for clarity.

 

Enough With Religious Exemption

As anti-gay laws sweep across the country after the marriage ruling, we see the main theme is simple-people can no longer “practice their faith” without the ability to discriminate.

Eventually, the high courts will rid us of these scourges and we can have a more just society.

I’m sick to death of all of it. I’m tired of the faithful trying to get their way at the expense of others. I’m tired of having to soothe them and succor them. Their special snowflake proclivities have got to go.

Now I know, I know the government can’t curtail freedom to practice one’s faith. This pernicious little clause has been the source of much controversy. I yield to the document. I don’t like it, but I yield. But you better be on terra firma when you exercise this right.

I want to approach this “religious freedom” thing in another way. In no way am I relating the push for freedom above with the push for freedom below. It’s just on my mind a lot lately.

I’m known to love an underdog. Which is why I usually defend American Muslims who want to be respected as they practice their religion. Maybe I shouldn’t give them special preference because as I said, what’s good for the goose ain’t good for the gander. So it is with regret that I find favor towards the Citadel in disallowing the traditional headdress of a Muslim woman to be worn while training. Islam and the military have something in common with each other when it comes to adornment. All men are shorn to the skin and are not allowed to have facial hair during training. Women, in training and in regular service, must keep their hair up so it does not pass their collar. What I’m trying to say is that there’s an enforced modesty and a rejection of finery in the military-one that I believe satisfies the requirements laid down in the Koran (it is, if I remember right, not terribly specific as to how a woman should dress necessarily, it seems that the coverings evolved as the religion did).

It looks like CAIR is going to address this; there is, in one sense something to abridging one’s religious freedom here, and that applies to the armed services. But I think we’re going a bit too far-you can’t just practice your faith whenever it pleases you, just as you cannot always speak or assemble wherever you wish.

Maybe I’m just an ex-soldier griping about change in the military, something I never thought I would do. Maybe I’m just a cranky atheist who’s tired of religious exemptions and special treatment for believers. You tell me. Personally, I think all this covering of women is bullshit and I can’t believe so many women choose to cloak themselves and perhaps that’s what my problem is. I can’t tell.

 

 

I Don’t Like Doing This

I have no love for the Bundy family. They’re cheats who invoke what we call “sovereign citizenry”. That happens when you believe the laws of your locale or country are null and void.

This tends to not go well for the claimants. The feds usually get their man. So it went with Cliven Bundy, who decided the government did not have a title to federal land. He grazed however he wanted to, and was fined a cool million for doing it.

Cliven Bundy is now in lockup. Good. But

Bundy’s lawyer will officially file the lawsuit on Tuesday in a court in Nevada, alleging that the president and other state officials violated the rancher’s constitution rights. The legal team will push for Bundy to be released from his current state of solitary confinement and ask for his indictment to be dismissed. Bundy’s lawyer will address the media following a hearing in Law Vegas on Tuesday.

I don’t like it. I don’t think anyone should go to solitary confinement, I don’t care what you’ve done-and especially not in this case where some cattle that belonged to you ate some grass that it wasn’t allowed to.

I hope Bundy’s suit to be released from solitary is granted. Lord knows I can’t stand right-wing, liberty-sucking assholes like him, but I am totally against a cell 23 hours a day for his crimes.

Shell Game

What’s so odious about this North Carolina law everyone is talking about? As I write this, NC is suing the federal government for overreach after the Justice Department threatened to have federal education funding ixnayed for the state if they did not rescind the bill.

The Justice Department has sued back.

This has never been a “who goes to the bathroom” issue. That’s the magical squirrel everyone has their eye on. Every goddamned idiot on the right is wigging over transgender rights to use the bathroom of their gender ID. It’s such a small part of what this bill does; what it really does is prohibit the localities of North Carolina from passing laws protecting the rights of LGBT citizens because you guessed it, state’s rights. In the bill, it says that no one can or will be compelled to respect the rights of that community.

Loretta Lynch is right: we’re looking at modern day Jim Crow style laws aimed to relegate certain individuals to secondary, even tertiary status.All of these goober states can’t handle teh gay. Fuck ’em. They will lose this fight.

I don’t want to toot my own horn, but Justice thinks these bills contravene protection offerered by the Civil Rights Act. Finally, someone gets it.

 

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