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Hamming It Up

Ken Ham, the bible brandishing, excitable, man-sized rodent is twittering nervously about shit he doesn’t understand again. Much like Donald Trump, he can’t stand to be alone with his thoughts for long because they make him sad-so he takes to the digital dump and blurts out his righteous, albeit defensive, ruminations.

I get it, Ken. Your non-seaworthy conceit is a flop. I suppose if I wasted 18 million dollars of Kentucky tax money I’d be a little on edge myself. I’d have taken to drinking or worse by now. But not you, Ken. You’re getting out in front of this and preaching the truth! How can I not be convicted when you tweet things like

Evolution is a supposed process involving death, death & more death–death is a necessary part–death for everyone–it’s a religion of death

Wowsers, Ken. I never thought of it that way. I bet no one has-who’d want to? But let me focus you a bit. You’ve got evolution confused with life itself. Evolution is a process of change, not death. Life, necessarily, involves death death death and so forth. It’s rather self evident. Don’t be afraid! That’s not religion. It’s real. What do we do with death? We punch it in its stupid death face. We say what Nietzsche said:“Was that life? Well then, once more!”Now, what else have you got for us?

Atheism is a blind faith that doesn’t explain the evidence and is not confirmed by observational science-it’s the religion of naturalism

Scattering like buckshot tonight, eh, Ken? No problem. I want to call your pronouncements strawmen but let’s keep it real simple since you do. Look, brother, I love you, but crawl up your own ass and die with this “atheism is a faith” garbage. I. Don’t. Have. Any. Belief. In. God. Period. I pretty much lack the faith gene-lord knows I tried to believe for a decade or so. Faith and belief require activity, Ken, a type of activity which I do not pursue. As for the evidence, I’ve seen what passes for evidence from you-you’ve raised scripture-twisting to an art, pulling out bullshit from between every holy word.

Ken, you’ve got me stymied on whether or not I am a “naturalist”. Good thing I am here on a blog where I can take a minute to prepare myself for an accusation. I think I may have read a book or two of its genre. Google:

a philosophical viewpoint according to which everything arises from natural properties and causes, and supernatural or spiritual explanations are excluded or discounted.

Guilty. That’s all I have to go on; that’s about all I know so far. But it begs the question: so fucking what? Once again, am I to be convicted because of my ignorance? Not by you or your kind. Never. People who are certain scare me.

But by now we should all be bedazzled by your logic, and therefore you deliver your coup de grace:

Christianity is a faith that explains the evidence and is confirmed by observational science–it’s the true faith.

And it is here that we find the source of Ken’s loneliness, because there aren’t even very many believers who think that is true. Most Christians are very comfy with compartmentalizing faith and science. Rare is the bird who thinks that bastardized cut and paste book contains all the secrets of the universe. I’ve read it a few times. It really isn’t that good as books go. Shit, Dianetics makes more sense than Christianity if I’m completely honest.

I gotta go, Ken. My religious, naturalistic, death loving life calls. Fuck yourself hard, would you?

Donald Trump Is Making Me Lose My Mind

In a number of ways.

I was wrong about Herr Trump-I thought we’d have dispatched him by December of last year. Most if not all of his contenders parroted a familiar Republican orthodoxy. But they were all swept away by a particularly virulent strain of populism. Donald Trump dug deep into America’s amygdala and spoke like some people’s idea of a regular guy. Which meant that he trafficked in bigotry, misogyny, gossip, anti-intellectualism, petty insults and Chicken Little-style patriotism. A regular joe but with millions-then again, we will not know what Trump is really worth since he’s scared to release his tax returns.

Populism, I have learned, is not always good. The People can be fairly fuckin’ stupid. At least 40% of potential voters will choose this life support system for a disheveled, orange angora rabbit no matter what he says. That alone is driving me to distraction.

Something else is happening, though.

Yesterday, Donald Trump suggested that gun nuts might shoot Hillary Clinton and/or her Supreme Court justices if she becomes president. I was flummoxed. It seems that this is some of Donald Trump’s vaunted humor; the problem is that he’s not funny at all. He knows damn well that the “Second Amendment people” are his people and some of their “remedies” are lethal in nature. That comment went straight to the bones of some really sick ass folk. And I’ve never seen the Trump machine go into damage control that fast. They knew he had screwed the pooch but good this time.

Every damn day, Trump sinks lower as his poll numbers do the same. Each utterance is worse than the next. And I think we’re all collectively beat down by it. I know I’m feeling it-all I can really think about is how fucked up Donald Trump is. I’m upset about this because I can’t remember details about why I support Hillary Clinton, whom I chose over Bernie Sanders as the pragmatist that I am. All I know now is Not That Guy. All my pragmatist scruples are working overtime to make sure this shitbird never gets close to holding office. In the meantime, my arguments for Clinton are foundering-perhaps they were not all that well rooted in the first place. But I know Hillary Clinton is essentially a good person. She’s a liberal with a voting record to prove it. She learns and evolves and clearly loves details. She knows that issues are complex and don’t lend themselves to bromides well. She’s calm under the gun. Tax reform. Childcare. Healthcare. Education. Infrastructure. Minimum wage….

There, I did it. I found some of my Clinton love underneath this miasma that Trump has created. But I spend a lot of my time just amazed at him. He’s a cancer that must be removed, and I’d hire lesser lights than Hillary Clinton to stop him.

I’d even take Jim Webb. That’s how far in the weeds I’d go.

 

A Village Keeps Its Idiot

Thank fuck that even Nevada’s Republicans have a modicum of sanity; Tits McGee is stuck on the farm team. This is a good sign; maybe the crest is breaking and these right-wing maniacs are falling into disfavor. It might be the Trump effect-no Republican is nor will be insulated from Donald Trump’s disgusting megalomania.

I’m so happy for Nevada-that you decided not to support Michelle Fiore for any higher office than that which she already has. You had a choice between boobs, guns and mental illness or something that is recognizable as a governing official.

You chose wisely.

Dashed Hopes

There’s been a rash of non-rational Hollywood has-beens who desperately need attention lately. But the award for biggest dumbshit goes to Stacey Dash, who is still beefing with Barack Obama even though he’s served 7.5 of his eight years. Stacey still thinks it’s 2009:

“We are more divided now than I’ve ever seen in my lifetime,” Dash told radio host Joe Pagliarulo while discussing Obama. “Because he doesn’t like the country.”

I keep hearing this shit about being “divided”. Oh, whatever. Dash is 5 years older than I am and ought to know that we have been “divided” for a long damn time. The last time we were “united” was when someone flew planes into two of America’s most iconic towers. Even I thought it a good idea to start kicking some asses for that stunt. But we’ve been a country that is close to 50/50 leftish and rightish for a good while. But anyway, I haven’t the foggiest idea what she means…I’d be happy to hear about how he divided us and furthermore explain why we require “unity”. That smacks of fascism. Speaking of…

“He’s an Islamic fascist, I believe.”

Oh. Muh. God. Still with this? Still? What is the point of making things up at this juncture? Stacey, he’ll be gone in 5 months. Once again, I am eager to know what Obama has done to get called a fascist.What has he done to earn that label? I got it; Stacey doesn’t know what real fascism looks like from her privileged, passing perch. Moving along:

“He doesn’t like America.”

Fuck you. Barack Obama has saved millions of Americans from bankruptcy by providing affordable healthcare. Stopped the unnecessary deaths of hundreds of American soldiers in Iraq as best he could. Let immigrants come out of the shadows. Didn’t have to keep his food down after saying gay marriage is A-OK. Equal pay for women. There’s a lot more. I’d say the President is crazy about this country. Sure, there’s a list of things that I don’t like that Obama has done but it’s a mighty tiny list in comparison.

“They’ve just politicized Islam and turned it into a fascist government.”

Wow. I don’t know what that means. Very Palinesque.

“The liberal elites own Hollywood,” she said. “And Hollywood dictates the culture of the country. So, as long as they do that, they control the narrative. They control the narrative that is fed to the country. The propaganda.”

“It’s like 21st century Nazism. It’s ridiculous.”

Hollywood dictates the culture? Really? I have never been anything but entertained by Hollywood. I have never seen a movie that has made me change my attitude about “the culture”, which is another thing Stacey wouldn’t be able to define because culture differs everywhere you go in this great land…which to most, is a feature, not a bug. Again, desiring a monolithic “culture” is just a twee bit fascist. What does “the narrative” mean? More bullshit, it’s just all a bunch of made-up nonsense phrases that right wingers parrot after being taught to them by their chosen media outlets. To the best of my knowledge, I haven’t learned a single word device from MSNBC. I may have learned to call Donald Trump Fuckface Von Clownstick from the Daily Show, though.

Then she finishes her dribble by going full Godwin. Which is it, Stacey, Islamic? Fascist? Nazi? I’m surprised you left out communism and socialism because that’s what you do; you just throw around these terms that have important distinctions from each other.

Stacey Dash, while striking, has nothing upstairs. In other words, she’s the perfect “contributor” for outlets like Fox. She’s found a new gig since she’s past her sell date in acting. Eat a dick, tootsie. You are amongst the dividers.

 

I’m Afraid I’m Afraid

My wife’s theory about Donald Trump is that he’s a closet Democrat. She may be right. Hard-right conservatives are appalled that this million dollar moron is going to lead the Republican party. So, perhaps.

My theory? I don’t think he wants to be president. See here. I think he might be scared shitless about running this country because he doesn’t know a thing about governing. Now the smart thing to do if you are in Donald Trump’s camp is to find someone who does, much like when George W. Bush allowed Dick Cheney to conduct policy.

But his short list of veeps just got a new addition: Sarah Palin. She’s already torpedoed one campaign, why not another? Do you see what I’m getting at? There was someone out there who is more repellent and stupider than Donald Trump, and he found her. If anything, his presidency will be unimpeachable were he to choose birdbrain for vice-president. No Democrat in his or her right mind would breathe the word because they know what the alternative is. But still, I think he’s trying to scare people away from him. He’s Dr. Frankenstein, and he knows it.

This country is so alarmingly fucked up. There’s a possible future that President Palin exists in. While Democrats fight amongst each other fecklessly, Donald Trump’s doing whatever it is that he is truly doing. He might be running a serious campaign for president. I can’t tell. And that spells danger for all of us.

While you worry, enjoy this Palinism generator. It captures the essence of her run-on, un-diagrammable style of speech quite well.

Onward Christian Soldiers

Republicans are in a real bind these days. They can’t do a thing to upset their constituency, unless your name is Donald Trump. But anyway, they can’t lose the Christian bible-humping right where a subset exists that is homophobic, and as we have seen from Target Lady, transphobic as well. It’s crucial that Republicans keep this group in their tent.

However, behind closed doors, even they get tired of overweening Christian displays:

Allen’s comments upset some members, who walked out of the Republican policy meeting in protest.

“It was f—ing ridiculous,” one Republican member in the room told The Hill.

“A good number of members were furious,” a Republican told Politico about Allen’s remarks. “There was some Scripture that was read and the like.”.

That’s my senator. I am sorry. My state gave you Jody Hice and this asshole.

Smarter minds than mine will eventually tease out why conservatives, the wing of personal liberty, consistently find themselves legislating some people’s morality against others. Lord only knows what their issue is. The reasoning is barely perceptible. They can’t all be closet homos, can they? The Bible is full of things people don’t believe are relevant any more, even Christians-why pick on LGBT folk?

If you are scared of non-traditional sex, and I believe that is the case, don’t engage in it and don’t look at it. Oh, you may have to see a float at a parade, but I’m sure the Lord can provide a special dispensation of forgiveness for viewing such perversity. And don’t go to college either, where you might find everything you know is wrong.

Unbreakable Kimmy Davis

Kim Davis, World’s Ugliest Person Inside And Out, is still blithering to anyone who will listen to her about her beef with teh gay and their marriaging. She should have fucking relegated herself to hiding in a cloister but no, our special snowflake chose public service. As you well know, that is not something she is good at because she thinks some public is better than other public.

On the latest episode of “Truths That Transform” from D. James Kennedy Ministries, the organization’s president, Frank Wright, interviewed Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis about her fight against the Supreme Court’s gay marriage decision, during which she refused to allow her office to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples because doing so conflicted with her religious beliefs.

“I was obeying my law,” she insisted.

Sweetcakes, no one has their own law. If we do, then I would like to tax the public for a rainy day fund dedicated to me for traveling the world, acquiring the best opium Afghanistan has to offer and I want to hire the entire Vivid stable to give me blow jobs twice a day. That is my law.

Hm. No one seems interested in my new edict. If I can’t have mine, Kim, neither can you. You were tasked to help the public but got icked out by two dudes wanting to love each other.

So now Kim, though not all that bright, decided to play semantics with some of the unfortunate couples:

“I had couples bring in the whole Supreme Court ruling and I said, ‘You know, I really don’t need to see this because that’s not a law, that’s a ruling.’

Yes. Correct. The one that doesn’t allow the government to make its own laws regarding gay marriage, You ma’am, like it or not, are bound to not do that, as part of a government operation. You and your kind tried to make your own law, and now it is unconstitutional. Your “law” is what caused the Obergfell  “ruling” to happen in the first place.

“And so then I go to the Bible and I’d tell them, [and they’d respond,] ‘Don’t be reading me the Bible.’ Well, you asked why I couldn’t issue you a marriage license and I’m explaining to you, I’m showing you why I cannot. They didn’t want to hear that though. They wanted to shove that paper down my throat and make me eat it for my dinner.”

If I was gay and wanted to get married, I’d probably want to make you eat that paper too or at least brain you upside the head with it for your obstinacy and your bible-thumping. You passed judgment-something I believe you are not to do as a Christian. You used god’s book to make them lesser beings.

I hope you feel good about it, you stupid bitch. I thought you were gone but you’re going to milk this shit for all it is worth.

 

The Law And Order Party

Tits McGee is in the news again, and she is so fucking bent around the axle about gunplay, she has suggested a really smart thing-pull your gun if a cop pulls his when confronting you.

This is an excellent way to get yourself killed. As a matter of fact, cops shoot whenever they even think there is a gun involved in a situation.

This is a sitting politician advocating pointing a gun at the police. I thought you all defer to authority whenever you get a chance. But Tits is a special one. She’s one step away from considering herself and her constituents sovereign citizens who have the rights to do whatever they want irrespective of the law.

Nevada, fix this. Just because she has a G-cup rack, it doesn’t make her a good lawmaker.

 

I’m Trying, Janine

To my post-adolescent mind, Janine Turner, along with Gillian Anderson, were the hottest girls to grace the tiny tube in the ’90s. They were also strong female characters; neither of them were sexualized (at least not in the show). That was a shame for me, who probably would have jerked off to a picture of them that showed a hint of cleavage or a leggy pose from them were I the tender age of 14. There I go again, dating and embarrassing myself. But, this blog is part politics, part religion hating and part confessional. I doubt anyone is going to judge me anyway. I tell the truth here, and if you don’t like it, go away.

But let’s flash forward to Janine Turner today. Sadly, she has become a pod person. And boy howdy, does she ever peddle the conservative goods in a manner unseen since Sarah Palin took the stage. Melissa Harris Perry of MSNBC wondered if there was a racial component to the character of Darth Vader in Star Wars. Was he black because he was on the darkside, and when he was revealed to be white, was he on the good side? It’s an interesting question; one that I have no business answering because I’m white and will never see the world through a black person’s lens. Janine scoffed at the question, and this is what dribbled out:

Turner responded to Harris Perry on Monday by warning that “political correctness is going to be responsible for killing more Americans.”

“Regarding Darth Vader, please!” she exclaimed. “The Bible talks darkness and light. This is about evil and good. Darkness and light.”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with anything else, this goes back to biblical times,” she continued. “It’s been discussed in the Bible, Jesus talks about it. It’s about darkness and light, evil and good.”

According to the actress, the discussion of racial issues in Star Wars is the kind of rhetoric that is “ruining our country and putting us in this clear and present danger.”

I can only guess that Janine thinks that a race war is coming, but political correctness  cannot kill. It may annoy or make someone reflect, but what the fuck is she going on about? Then she makes some bizarre reference to the Bible and Jesus. What the blazes does that have to do with Star Wars? Good and evil existed before his holiness hit the planet.

To top off this stupid sundae, Janine waves around the Constitution, thinking she understands it:

Turner said that she had found a clause in the Constitution (Article I, Section 10, Clause 3) that would allow “the states to take this back into their own hands.”

Because the states were facing “imminent danger” they could come together and form their own union to deal with immigration and other issues, she advised.

“We’re in clear and present danger, we’re beyond imminent,” Turner opined. “So the states can legally and constitutionally come together to defend the American people.”

I know, right? The sky is falling, the spooks are going to kill us, and decentralization of power is the cure for everything. Because that’s worked so well for us-when you let states decide shit, you get Jim Crow, slave states and free states, segregation and other modern problems that I won’t go into because it isn’t relevant. Again, what is she talking about? A new nation? Isn’t it contradictory to say that states should not be bound to the federal government, but we must come together?

Janine’s had a little too much Fox News. She’s an incoherent mess and an alarmist, like most Republicans. It’s sad, watching one of your earliest crushes become an idiot. Fox is slowly becoming the Love Boat of cable news; chock full of has-beens who toe the conservative line.

 

 

Poor Ken Ham

Religion, for the most part, is perpetuated by guilt of some sort. You have done wrong and you need redemption. For an atheist, we bear our guilt and make amends to whomever we have harmed. There’s no middle man involved. Atheists ask people for forgiveness, the religious keep apologizing to God.

It is therefore assumed that God has been wicked to us because we have been so wicked to him. The wrath of Jehovah is irrational, just like any god. He destroys at will and blames it on his poor creations, whom if he were real he would make them perfect again, in the garden, blissful and sated.

But instead we are left to fend for ourselves. And so evolved disease, pestilence, war, poverty and a host of other afflictions. Ken Ham, unsurprisingly, believes this. God is still the temper tantrum throwing deity of the Old Testament. He doesn’t even focus on the cleansing blood of Jesus a whole lot. His bag as of late is to try to make Genesis real, somehow. I think he thinks if he can pull that off, the rest of the Bible would be cake to explain. For it is that book that is the linchpin of Christian belief: that people are cursed to be sinners all the days of their lives. It’s the book that practically everyone has read at some time or another, with varying effects upon the reader. You have two choices; get scared, or just ignore this unbelievable, fatuous supernatural jive and live your life as if it were going to end soon, which sadly it will one day.

So anyway, Ken must be some sort of newbie to Twitter. I don’t tweet myself, but from what I understand it’s a gladiator match, a royal rumble of insults and smackdowns. Ken let go a flurry of poopy-pantsed tweets, gathering the attention of many detractors. Ken’s lack of critical thinking should be obvious to everyone. No one who isn’t brainwashed already could say that Ken Ham is a deep thinker. Maybe if you believe in this angry god, you’re much more likely to find logic somewhere in his blithering. But was he drunk when he thundered on Twitter recently? There is no other excuse for waking up the twitterverse with such obvious goading.

Dude, you got your tax exemption for your fantasy park. Shut the fuck up and count your blessings instead of our sins. The internet is not going to be nice. Maybe you get off on that. I don’t know. You are irredeemable, in this life at least.

And fuck you for poisoning the minds of young children before they are able to think for themselves. We eagerly await your atonement for that sin.

 

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