Nuclear What? How Did I Get Associated With Doomsdayers?

I’m trying to enjoy a little bit of chatter with some friends. I go to check my spam filter, and find that I am linked to a site that is saying that the world will end in 2011 via nuclear war.

Here’s the funny part: it’s the bit I wrote about some people walking around thinking it’s OK to call other people a racist that someone in their fevered little heads connected to the end of the world.

Several of you will not find it funny at all. It’s just spam, though, so I suggest you calm down.

I start a blog, and the world is ending? Please. I never said, ever, that you should all have a nuclear bomb shoved into your mouths to know what it’s like to feel the pain of others. I mean, I just had that thought, but so what? I also said you can all go to outer space if you don’t like it on planet Earth, is what I said a little later on after I got done being upset with being called a racist.

This is NOT the equivalent of saying I would like you all to die. I’m actually coming around to the idea that I would like you all to live, but if you are unwilling, then I suggest space.

Things die there. In fact, nothing lives out there long enough to die, that’s how quickly it probably happens. That is why the search for extraterrestrial life is pretty goofy.

It’s space, dummies. It’s way far away from a pleasant combination. Until that changes, which is highly unlikely, we monkeys will be right here. I will be here with my dog should you decide to reach me from the ether. Call my cat if you want to come back. She sleeps 16 hours a day, so you probably will not reach her.

So: There is no point in racism, and there is no point in thinking the world is going to blow up. Don’t you all remember from school that this rock is 4 billion years old? For four billion years, the Earth has been putting up with the stupid sun, the moon, and humans.

My bet is that Earth will survive. My point is, we have two choices: we either stick with Earth, or we don’t. If we blow ourselves up, then we break into little atomic particles, which probably die in space. I have no idea, I do not work for NASA.That all sounds bad. If we don’t blow ourselves up, guess what horrid thing will happen?

We stay here forever. Now this may be a metaphor, but let’s say life was about choosing a metaphor.

Which one would you choose?

This isn’t blackjack, where you are drunk and you say “hit me” until you lose all of your money. It’s only living, and if you are tired, you should do what other tired people have been known to do.

You go and take a nap, and we will see how you feel in a few hours. I will have my half-Jewish mother make you some chicken soup, and then we can talk about how you feel then. It’s pretty good and it hasn’t failed me yet.

Now if a nap=nuclear war, for the first time in my life, I will have no comeback for that. I will assume that you are crazy, or very, very funny.

The internet is the weirdest thing we have ever invented. Instead of using it for national defense(not a good idea either), it is now being used by schizophrenics. That’s neat. I didn’t think schizophrenics cared much for reality, and now I see that they do.

So: scratch schizophrenia of the list of things to be scared of. Because when you get right down to it, schizophrenia is really nothing but an overheated brain, which is something familiar to all of us. When we stutter, or we we get dizzy, that’s because we have had something done to us that disorients us. When the brain ceases being disoriented, it calms itself, and then suddenly you say to your friend, “I’m good. It’s all good, that was weird.”

Well, yes it was. Spin yourself around(those of you over the age of oh, I don’t know, eight otherwise this will not work) and tell me how you feel if you do it ten times. Then say a few things to someone you love afterward. Ask them if you sound loony.

They said yes, didn’t they? But after you have stopped spinning, you feel better. You no longer sound like a schizophrenic, unless you were one before you began spinning.

You are only schizophrenic if you began spinning before I told you to do this little test, and instead of reading what I just said, you go to a website that says the world will blow up in 2011. And you are still reading, aren’t ya? Good. You don’t have to go to space to find out that nothing is there. I have now decided you, reader, can hang out with me sometime, maybe meet my dog and my wife. Those things are always fun.

About The Head Seminarian

I might be the nicest person you'll ever meet, but if you don't believe me, that is because I hate you. I went to war, I went to father, I came, I saw, and it is a mess. I wouldn't have it any other way. Shitty people amuse me, people who act like human volcanoes fascinate me like fine art. Life is beautiful, and it is under attack in a manner heretofore unseen in history. I came to remind you of this, not make it worse. I might be writing a blog. Yes, that's all I am doing, now that I think about it. If you have a bad memory, you will forget this. Even I forget sometimes, so we're cool.

Posted on December 21, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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