Monthly Archives: September 2011

Taking My Whack At 9-9-9

Hermain Cain, who makes me just want pizza when I want to talk about him, has unveiled a cute little plan for your taxes called 9-9-9- that’s 9 percent payroll, 9 percent corporate tax, and 9 percent sales tax. The entire rest of the tax code goes out the window. Jesus, talk about class warfare. Let’s all just be honest for a minute: Herman Cain says that the tax code is modern day slavery. If so, could I have anuther whuppin’, massah? The tax code has been very good at protecting me from the bumps and shifts in my life for over 20 years, seeing me thru school, children, joblessness, tough times that could sink a poor person for good. In Herman Cain’s pitiless world, not only would your progressive tax credits go away, but you would also have to contend with a brandynew 9% national sales tax on everything you buy. Herman Cain calls this an incentive to save.

It’s a supply-sider dream. Less to pay at the top of the income ladder, less to spend at the bottom. Who thinks this is intelligent fiscal policy? Who buys shit in this dream economy? Who can afford anything anymore? Shall we just start building poor houses again? Because that’s where this joker wants people to go.

A Brief Explanation On Why We Are Leaving A Ton Of Crap In Iraq

We are. There’s one reason I can attest to personally; it was all a lot of crap to begin with.

Meaning: most of the stuff we went to war with was garbage. In 2003, when I was sent to Iraq, we loaded EVERYTHING we had into those shippers, and we had nothing one would call adequate for a functioning unit. All I babysitted the first two years I was in the Army was random shit thrown together, no evidence whatsoever of a team ready for deployment. Remember the chemical weapons threat? I was sent with my training rifle, gas mask and chem suit, and actually wore those torn, unsealable bitches when SCUDs started flying around March 17 or so. I thought I was a dead man when they sounded the gas alarm. But anyway, our combat support hospital was outfitted in Kuwait with slightly better equipment before we made our lonely, eerily quiet trek into post-shock and awe Iraq. It still wasn’t enough. We had two lousy trucks full of hastily grabbed medical supplies-hardly enough for a 128-bed hospital set-up.

What I’m getting at is that the Army probably seized on the opportunity to get rid of all its trash by pushing it into Iraq. That way, when they got home, they would have new shiny toys. Much of the heavy vehicles that we left were aged, scarred by the harsh conditions and held together by genie magic.

Now I don’t know how much of that shit out there now is still serviceable in 2011-after all, that is a good question…how much of that stuff is worth bringing home due to its use/abuse? Because if it’s in the same sorry shape that my shit was in circa 2003, let it rot. It may have been worth billions, but depreciation is a bitch in the desert.

Sure, Like A Chubby, Loudmouthed New Jerseyan Is Gonna Make A Difference

Y’all think Chris Christie is your baby, do you?

As a former New Jerseyan, I can tell you upfront that NJ politics is savage, rudderless, sickly swaying back and forth between Republican and Democratic leadership as if the entire voting population has amnesia coupled with borderline personality disorder. In the past, whoever was the incumbent, is out. Few survive the rushes of discontent in my home state. Leave it to today’s GOP to turn to my state for guidance in their troubled times, where all of their candidates are either insane, feeble or utterly anemic.

So I hear Christie is swinging for the fences late in the game by mouthing off about President Obama. It’s the usual drivel that fuels so much Republican rhetoric; failed promises, failed leadership, hat tips to Ronald Reagan(praising the Gipper for firing the air traffic controllers! What a mensch!). And the ‘droids of that wing of the country eat it up as usual, this time because it’s coming from a guy with an attitude problem.

This will not fix your problem, Republicans. You can add a tenth failed candidate to your list. Christie is exactly the divisive, moody, dickish type of leader that we do not need. Do you have any idea how teed off we liberals are as we watch the President attempt time after time to incorporate the GOP into the political process only to have him look like Charlie Brown after Lucy takes the football away? If anything, the President has outdone himself in the compromise department, so much so that he has compromised his own principles. I don’t want to hear nothin’ from Chris Christie telling me we have a failure in the White House, or a bystander, or whatever it is he is selling. Republicans have shit all over this presidency at every step. Why should it go well?

Christie is just another shit-thrower. His only claim to his temporary fame right now is that he can throw shit better than the other nine drones currently running. In New Jersey, we run our mouths real good. Tell us your stances on the hot-button issues. Get in the race, Chris, so we can see how that mouth turns out for you when primetime is watching, facing Obama in the debates. I hear that fella does some good talking of his own.

Am I Allowed To Have A Mood?

It’s been a long hard road between getting over my mania and I’ve noticed something interesting about my treatment, at home and by relations: moods by me are no longer acceptable. Everyone gets to be in a mood, be it bad or good; if I’m in either, I’m suspected of going crazy again. Any other bipolar have this issue?

Try again. I’m just like you. You’ll know I’ve lost it again, believe me. I lost it so bad none of you will ever know the extent of it. I saw the abyss and it saw me.

Apparently No Sleep=Blog

This is like a midnight movie. It’s horrible, and if you’re like me, your evening is taking a turn south. That girl you brought won’t even come near you.

It seems that I can’t write unless I say bye-bye to sleep. I’m missing some of the drugs in my “arsenal” that is supposed to keep me sane, so now I get endless chatter between my ears because I have a brain that never shuts the fuck up unless beaten into submission. As of now, I have very little to write about-mammoth blogs eat all the political air and I wind up commenting on them before I hit ye olde blog. I don’t want to get too self-indulgent and write about my illness. Yet there is cause for worry. Staying up all night and trying to sleep, often fitfully in the day is not a good prescription for mental health… although, what the fuck am I to do? I can’t even lay down, I just sit and watch movies or toy with the computer. You can hardly blame me for the TV; “American Splendor”, and episode of The Twilight Zone and “Brazil” were recorded by my faithful TiVo.

I’m threatening body and brain with no sleep at all for the full twenty-four to see if I can wear them out. I’m falling into an ugly cycle if I stay up until sunrise and then try to sleep it off all afternoon. This bullshit stops today.

Funny Spam

As this terrible blog either continues to hemorrhage hope or at least is neglected by me or any other oddball who has come to visit, I have decided to share some more spam because I can’t resist the otherworldly mumble-speak of these folks. I haven’t got anything to say today of gravity. Here’s my favorite spammer so far:

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Now, I don’t know much about biology, but that’s what a diary tract reminds me of. As for having a hump collection, why don’tcha take some time to whack it to online porn instead of bugging me with spam? It is way better than any hump collection of magazines.

Well, that’s about all the moldiness I have for now, kids. I’ll see you around soon, because I am top nick like that.

Perry: Guns, God, And A Fruity Past

I recently found a little tidbit that suggests that nasty GOP front runner Rick Perry might have a l’il case of the gay in him.

Sorry, Michele, you get a pass from me for now. Today I will not talk shit about you and your twinkletoe husband.You have no chance of winning anyway, you are a media sideshow at best.

Here’s the poop, from the Dallas Voice:

In an apparent reference to longstanding rumors that he’s gay, Texas Gov. Rick Perry assured a group of influential social conservatives over the weekend that “there is nothing in my life that will embarrass you if you decide to support me for president,” according to this report from the Texas Tribune.

The Lavender Bund strikes again. That is what you call embarrassing in the extreme. Of course, I doubt supporters will find out about this rumor, but I thought I’d help it along.

As an aside, Kay Bailey Hutchinson’s crew once meta-tagged “rick perry gay” for search engines to pick up on. Hilarious! Politics are fucked up in the Lone Star State.

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