A Cain/Perry Debate

This will never happen in the real world.( But could it? Cue fiendish music here)

Moderator: Hello and welcome.

Perry: Hi-ho! Woot.

Cain: Herman says hi to you.

Moderator: I don’t think anyone’s asked you just where you people come from.

Cain: Herman has been many places. My CV is actually quite large, even though it looks like I don’t know what I just wandered into.

Perry: I ran with my yell group. I would like to say that this is not gay behavior. I drove a big, scary bomber, and harassed the freshmen! Don’t say I’m gay! I need nappies.

Moderator: We’ll be done in 15 minutes because the blogger will run out of smartass things to say and give up. Ok?

Perry: Works for me.

Moderator: Mr. Cain, you have been suspected of at least 4-5 counts of sexual harassment. Any others you’d like to confirm here?

Cain: All claims about Herman are bogus.

Moderator: It’s plain as day. You are using a classic, scumbucket tactic known as “blame the victim”. I can see how you would like to climb above this seeing how you are such a self made man, but clearly Atlas Shrugged and you got hit on your way down. Classic elitist; the rules don’t apply to you.

Cain: Herman has no responses. All allegations against me are false. When I say 9-9-9, I’m actually trying to drown you out short of sticking my fingers in my ear and going “na-na-na”. I bet you didn’t know that.

Moderator: I did not. I have to move on.

Perry: Cute, blogger.

Cain: Can we talk about my plan?

Moderator: I thought we just did. Let Rick say what he needs to say.

Perry:Thanks! I’ve been waiting for “Herman” to let me talk.

Moderator: Remember, talking is not your strong suit.

Perry: What I like to talk about is taxes-flat tax rates for everyone. Know why? Because the tax code is too complicated.

Moderator: Actually,they aren’t hard to file. These days, you can use software or have someone like Jackson Hewitt do it immediately. Generally, you find them by looking at the little people swinging signs around in January, many of which say “Godfather’s Pizza”, I bet.

Perry: So I have no platform other than whatever I cribbed from Ron Paul before he spoke. Didja see how I did that? That didn’t go too well. I miss that place with the syrup. They liked me. I think.

Moderator: Good enough. I need a Xanax if this is what it comes down to. Good night, and God bless us all because we need saving now more than ever.

About The Head Seminarian

I might be the nicest person you'll ever meet, but if you don't believe me, that is because I hate you. I went to war, I went to father, I came, I saw, and it is a mess. I wouldn't have it any other way. Shitty people amuse me, people who act like human volcanoes fascinate me like fine art. Life is beautiful, and it is under attack in a manner heretofore unseen in history. I came to remind you of this, not make it worse. I might be writing a blog. Yes, that's all I am doing, now that I think about it. If you have a bad memory, you will forget this. Even I forget sometimes, so we're cool.

Posted on November 10, 2011, in Fucking Politics and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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