Daily Archives: January 10, 2011

Music You Don’t Deserve…And I’ve Decided To Lose Count

This song is only for the pure and the decent. If neither of these adjectives describe you, good lord, please get the hell off this blog. You’re only going to upset me, and when I get upset, it won’t be pretty.

While We’re At It, Let’s Put Fred Phelps In The Box He Should Never Have Left

So, I hear our national nemesis, Fred Phelps, is gearing up to protest the funerals of the people slain by Arizona Jared.

I must ask at this time what Arizonans have done to bring this much stupid into their borders, but I guess we can narrow it down to Jan Brewer for her utterly incompetent governance. I don’t know what kind of patronage is going on down there that they can put a sea dragon in charge of a desert, but someone had better figure it out soon.

Now they have Fred Phelps on their hands. It’s the kind of stupid that might rip a hole in the space-time continuum for a second or two, and a tumbleweed might wander in and we would never know.  All anyone would know is that there are six assassinations and Fred Phelps in the same area.

Yo, Arizona, what is up out there? What are you, being held hostage? All I can say is that if you have tickets to leave, make them one-way.

Anyway, I have just watched Fred’s “report” on the Westboro website. He’s got these little rainbow pics coming up next to his head in TV news style with little buttfucking stickpeople flashing back and forth.

How Fred does this without laughing I will never know. Then again, I don’t know how many takes it took for Fred to get serious. I’d have been fired, I wouldn’t have the same iron temper of conviction that Fred Phelps has. I mean, I would love to think that this a put-on, but sadly, it is not. No pranks should be carried so far as to make a victims’ family be more distressed than they already are. So we can rule out prank.

No, it is religious righteousness that has gone out of its fucking gourd. This is what happens when you read the Bible all the time, and believe everything in it. I don’t know about you, but this makes me very uncomfortable and I do not want to hear any news locally about someone burning birds on a foil-covered workbench.

Now: Arizona Jared has some friends now, another group of dribbling simians who think the time has come to remove the moneychangers from the temple. I mean damn, I agree, but I’m going to vote, not burn down the gymnasium. I’ll wear a button, but not throw firecrackers at people who look at me funny. This is the difference between a guy like me, who generally hates the public, and these other characters. I’ll think bad shit. They’ll do it.

One of us is doing a healthy thing.

If you’ve watched Phelps and his communiques, which I recommend to all of you just once so you can have a good laugh or wonder what the world is coming to, your choice of course, it’s your brain and I can’t tell it what is real and what isn’t.

Fred Phelps, obviously, has no class at all. I have no idea what ass-raping, sheep-blowing  mountain citadel he came from, but for now all I can say is that he has no class.

However, Fred has been given the gift of gab, and the gift of presence. I guess years of inbreeding gives you a tough skin. This guy makes Charles Manson laugh, that’s how crazy Fred Phelps is. Charlie would say, “and I’m in jail? Damn, I was jokin’ half the time I said crazy shit”.

So anyway, what he says in his missives is that the wars we engage in are wrong, and that God shall continue to send the berserk to kill the unrighteous.

Now some of you might think, well, Fred is just like us. We think the wars are wrong. We hope shitty people get what they deserve someday. That gives me pause, at least, to know that I have something in common with a guy who probably makes his own daughter fellate him. Where we are prone to diverge a bit is the method with which we believe these things come about. Most of them are incorrect, because if there were any such thing as a god or instant karma, Fred Phelps would probably go through each circle of hell for 20 years, and sent to the final pit where the Phelpses can love themselves so much they can eat each other, but I must ask the devil for one favor; that they have to have themselves served to each other on dinner plates full of ipecac. I mean forever. If the devil exists, he shall do me this one kindness because he knows that I am sending him a good one- a false prophet and a traitor, a pimp and a seducer all in one.

Sadly, I am not the devil, for I could do worse. Maybe. I don’t have much love for torture, but as long as the devil thinks it’s deserved, who the hell am I to defy Old Scratch?

In the meantime, I suggest the pranksters, wherever they may be, to get cracking on this family. I’m afraid the gays kissing will not bug them, you’re just telling them what they are against. No, no.

Pranking. Somebody, for the love of God, prank them. The one thing the righteous cannot abide is embarrassment for very long, and if they can, they will look mighty funny while they do their thing.

That’s all you can do to that family: make it cry. They need it.

Just A Technorati Claim


I give you today’s fnord as amusement:

Dracula fled to the Last National Bank and converts the password file.


As If None Of Us Hasn’t Had Enough Arizona Lately…

I’d guess about half of you are still ferreting out this story and trying to tell everyone what a Prison Planet listening, libertarian fruit casing that the “Jared” is. He may not be a right-wing crazy, but he comes from that area on the political spectrum. Anyone with any sense in their heads knows this certainly knows that left-leaners are not terribly keen on the destruction of currency and religion. That is biblical babble that Mr. Loughner has scooped up from the book of the Revelation of St. John, who languished in a prison cell-and in a desperate attempt to find meaning for his capture, wrote about how badly he wanted his captors to be drowned, burned, hit by lightning, made deaf, enslaved and torn apart forever.

I don’t have the imagination that John had because I am not in prison. I can understand why, if in prison, making up a righteous Being who would come to free him and kill the shit out his captors was an important thing for him. But essentially, it’s the same as Tom Hanks making friends with a soccer ball. It is a delusion, a damn good way to fool oneself when pain has become too much. Going into a state of perpetual shock is the brain’s best defense from pain. That is simple physiology.

Sometimes, this happens on a larger scale. I won’t go into that. But when delusion hits a population en masse, suddenly you think you are the one in prison. I’m not unfamiliar with this type of thinking-shit, after these shootings, who wouldn’t be? But the shooter, unfortunately for you, “Jared” thought he was imprisoned by you. He thought that money and religion had ruined his great nation. I agree with “Jared” to a degree, but I do know that money and religion can heal people when they cannot heal themselves.

This makes “Jared” a complete numbfucked idiot, the kind of idiot he thinks you all are. By definition, “Jared” belongs to you. I wouldn’t claim the dumb bastard, any more than I would claim that America is a swell place to live or claim that I really give a shit about maybe 30% of the population giving a ten-point spread. “Jared”, on the other hand thought it was him versus 300 million give or take. So he went and acted like Dennis Hopper, who said to Jeffrey that in dreams, he walked with him, and then wanted to send him a love letter, straight from the bottom of his heart.

Which in both cases, was a bullet from a fucking gun. David Lynch, if nothing, is a creature of mercy. This “Jared” clown is not.

I assure you, there is no secret language in “Jared”s Facebook posts. He was very clear that he said that his conscience belonged to him and him only. His conscience told him that The Beast was coming by doing some very complicated math. This made “Jared” think that it was time to reject the mark of the beast, which would soon be the end of trading money were the Beast to come. This also led “Jared” to believe that all of the false churches needed to be destroyed. One of those churches was the government.

Read your Bibles. It’s all there, except for the free conscience part. He read some gnarled version of fascism to invent that.

The sad truth is, “Jared” was likely more intelligent than a great deal of people around him. That was not good enough for “Jared”, though, because the one thing a thinking person needs is another thinking person. This is where “Jared” goofed mightily. He thought he was alone in being mad at everyone because they robbed his conscience. That is another good reason why “Jared” did the most chickenshit thing he could think of, which was to shoot a woman. He probably got tired of jacking off every night, thinking his dark thoughts.

I get this. Many of you have been there, thinking darkly and having no one to love. “Jared”, being in his twenties(there is an error here that has been fixed thanks to a keen eyed editor, I said he was in his ‘late’ twenties and that is incorrect…she thinks it changes things, but I think it makes my case stronger), was probably piling up a lot of hatred by this point. This is a good time as any to go schizoid and shoot someone.

This is not schizophrenia, you idiots. This is an extremely lonely individual who can no longer speak your language because like Barton Fink, you didn’t listen. Some of this new language takes the form of a gun, a noisy implement that gets peoples’ attention very quickly. “Jared” knew this. But instead of committing suicide by refusing to understand what a little worm he was, he became, or thought he became a big dog, a mean dog, the kind that people are afraid of lest they turn on you. Anyone who has a big dog knows that the faithful dog-friend would NEVER turn upon a kind humanoid-friend unless you mistreat your big dog. Then you are missing a chunk of your arm, but you asked for it by being mean.

That about sums up “Jared”. The little worm should have dried up to bother us no more because he is not a big dog. But that didn’t happen-instead, he hurt an innocent female Democratic congresswoman.

That’s about as shitty as it gets when it comes to being a person, shooting them because they don’t speak your language. Ask a historian if you don’t think this has started terrible wars where people a thousand times by people more desperate and angry as “Jared” was. I bet he will agree with me.

I hope Jared rots in prison until he gets his head out of his ass. I hope they rehabilitate him for years and then perhaps let him go home knowing better. I bet you anything this congresswoman will forgive “Jared” instead of asking whywhywhy. She didn’t get to government because she is stupid.

I have it on good information that his third language is Esperanto, though. Fuck that. I can’t even speak English correctly at various times.

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