Monthly Archives: August 2007

Still Dumb


‘Lil Lauren Caitlin knows exactly why some Americans don’t know where America is on a map, and she shore knows it ain’t any of her lilywhite BFFs that are contributing to those ritarded stertistics. She’s about as dull as they come, a trained poodle in heels. How many trains will be run on her in her freshman year after too many tooters?

Stupid Liberal Guilt

That’s what made me feel bad for Larry Craig (R-Widestance). I thought the poor fucker was going to just cop to it, but now he’s rescinding his “guilt” and I’ve found him blaming gay liberal hitmen for the scandal, ho ho. He also tried to pull rank on the cop by flashing his Senate business card. Add this to all the work he’s done to dehumanize the GLBT community-projecting his urges upon others and discriminating against other people for his obsessions by passing legislation that makes James Dobson happy, and I say fuck this clown- let him drown in his own poison. I’m thrilled that he’s not satisfied with the damage he has already done by doing such a pathetically transparent about face on his innocence. The wider implications for the GOP’s electability won’t bother me either.

Guns, God, And Gay

Well, well well. Romney campaigner and NRA flack Larry Craig(R-Lavender Bund) has gotten himself caught playing footsie under some airport bathroom stalls with an undercover cop.

I feel sorry for these poor gay Republicans, unable to scratch their sexual itch because their party and political lifeline is moored to “family values”. That’s the real tragedy here.

I bet the GOP is just wishing one of these wayward pervs would just act more like Bill Clinton or do something “normal”. I mean, there’s a pattern emerging here-when are their voters going to catch on that some of their staunchest political operatives and representatives are a bunch of closet Caligulas?

 I mean, what’s next?

Five Gets You Ten She Votes Republican Next Year

South Cackalackee shows off its best and brightest at The Miss Teen USA pageant:

Don’t try to watch it more than twice.

Deck Chairs, Shuffling

US News And World Report sez: 

“The buzz among top Bushies is that beleaguered Attorney General Alberto Gonzales finally plans to depart and will be replaced by Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff. Why Chertoff? Officials say he’s got fans on Capitol Hill, is untouched by the Justice prosecutor scandal, and has more experience than Gonzales did, having served as a federal judge and assistant attorney general.”

The Stuff That Things Aren’t Made Of

This is neat. Astronomers have found a swath of dark matter bigger than a friggin’ supercluster of galaxies. Kinda helps remind you how foolish it is to put together a theory of existence when you are missing a puzzle piece about…oh, 9,460,528,400,000,000,000,000,000 meters wide. I’d say that even faith itself couldn’t  survive the distance, but I’m not too good with faith anyway.

Anyway, read the article, and if you don’t understand it any more than I do, just let Black Sabbath explain. It’s much easier to contemplate nihilism than cosmology.

Wingnut Tango

Look at this inflammatory headline from hippie rag Rolling Stoned:

Ted Nugent Threatens to Kill Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton During Vicious Onstage Rant

This is clearly untrue. He simply threatened to make Obama suck on one of his machine guns and shove the other one up Hillary’s ass. What’s the big deal?

Ted blames dirty stinky hippies for many social ills, like divorce rates, abortions, STD’s, and high school dropout rates. He does not, however blame himself for contributing to the divorce rate, and is shy about bringing up his own contributions to the welfare of children. That’s because he has sex with them. But he has never given them an STD and to his knowledge, none of them has had an abortion.

Rock on, Nuge, you are a model conservative- a man who champions morality while shitting all over it.

UPDATE: Heh, he’s a ‘Nam draft dodger too! He’s in the club for sure now.

Michelle Malkin:As Consistent As I Wanna Be

Proving yet again that wingnuts will adopt any position that is convenient to their pet causes, Michelle says that Gwen Stefani is acting like a dhimmi by covering up her lovely lady lumps for a concert in Malaysia, but here at home, Avril and Britney need to pull their pants up and put the thong thong thong away.

It’s like a micro-example of our broader foreign policy-there are rules and ideals here that don’t apply anywhere else. Democracy OK here, despotism OK there. Torture there, not over here. Cover it here, whip it out there.

The ends justify the means, aeternum. This is one of those little reasons why everyone hates our fucking guts.

Ari, You Stupid Fuck

Shorter Ari Fleischer: Being wrong in 2002 is soooo five years ago. We’re right now, though. Do you want whatshisface to lose his leg for nothing?

More On Hardball

     Looking back on my last post, I have to ask myself why I even care about Hardball or the right wing perspective. Hardball serves no good political purpose and never has in the years I’ve looked at it-Chris Matthews stirs up some shit and the ideologues go into their crosstalkaganza. Whoopee. I think I’ll stick to the McLaughlin Group if I’m in the mood for such twaddle. As for Chris making the right wing chickies wax apoplectic, what’s it to liberal ol’ me if he exposes them for being nuts?

     Contrary to what common sense would tell you, when you put an unhinged winger on who thinks that leaving Iraq will bring Burqamania to America, it doesn’t invalidate their position or embarrass them into silence. It’s free publicity. So much for the idea of the media being liberal. These rightwing jackasses, male and female, know that a significant segment of the population actually thinks these insane thoughts are sensible ones to have, and frankly, I’d bet my underwear that Matthews knows this too. He’s not helping anything by bringing these offalbrained hoohawers into the public eye. What Matthews is doing is lowering the public discourse into the gutter by giving a moment of air time to fringies. There are plenty of serious questions that need asking of politicians out there, and they don’t necessarily have to come from polar perspectives. There’s also a ton of proposals that need some explaining from professional planners and policy wonks-and you don’t have to put on a catfight involving some crack-mainlining, flibbertigibbety radio host to articulate the differences in competing plans. How ’bout it, Mr. Hardball?

     But, alas. I expect entirely too much from television, and if it wasn’t for my kids’ addiction to Nicktoons, it would be next to the trashcan tomorrow.  If not for my wife’s irrational addiction to “Ghost Hunters”… hm. Guess I’m stuck with it.

     Anyway, back to Hardball. Removing the current blabbermouth host might be a good start in fixing Hardball somewhat. Tweety doesn’t care about stopping the dumb anymore; a more aggressive, purposeful gatekeeper would be more apropos when the conversation is swirling the sump in terms of quality and meaning. Might I suggest that MSNBC use David Shuster to either boot Tweety from his little circus act, or give Shuster a show of his own. Here, see what you think. While this does violate the rule of never giving wingers the time of day, at least Shuster slices and dices this guy with his own stupid assed wordage:

    This type of bitchslapping might make wingnuts think twice about being fucko-nutso in public, and then maybe we could get on with more serious things. YouTube has lots of David Shuster vids available, and he eats Tucker Carlson’s lunch in one-who doesn’t want to see that little spraytanned moppet flogged but good?

      It may be too late to stop infotainment, hold the info. Perhaps a little less ‘tainment, and the genre might be palatable. We are practically there with Olbermann and the Daily Show, come to think of it. Maybe what I really want is like a left-wing Morton Downey Jr. to shout at chickenhawks until they cry. I bet Randi Rhodes would fit the bill.

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