I Find New Ways To Screw Up The Holidays

Did I forget it was Mother’s Day?

Yes I did. And now I have upset my wife. She doesn’t expect anything from me, it’s the kids she’s hoping will say something… and guess who gets to remind them? Someone like me who doesn’t make a big deal about any holiday.

I have promoted myself from God-Damned Idiot today. I am now Major Shithead.

I have never felt special in my life, unless maybe you count the pre-“wonder years”. It’s a foreign idea; I am No Big Deal and I know it. This is why I have no interest in my birthday or Father’s Day or any other fucking celebration of my miserable existence. I don’t particularly like who I am; it’s a problem. I ain’t “happy to be me” and thus I become a cloud. As we all know, clouds are big and they rain on several people at once.

Now I have to go fix this mess. I begin:

Happy Mother’s Day, best friend, wife who tolerates my dick moves or lack of moves whatsoever. I know how much the little things mean and I promise to do better. My brain is aging and you know I’m already not good at celebrations, gifts, and sentiment. Know this; your motherhood is indeed special and I will make amends somehow. I’m not sure how to proceed after failing so badly, so I guess a late card chosen by your sons will have to do.

Don’t make the same mistake I did. Find the mothers in your lives and try, if possible, to love and acknowledge them better than I did today. You can beat me at this game easy.

Shes doesn’t know it yet but I’m going to steal the kids away for a card while she naps. That should work, shouldn’t it?

About The Head Seminarian

I might be the nicest person you'll ever meet, but if you don't believe me, that is because I hate you. I went to war, I went to father, I came, I saw, and it is a mess. I wouldn't have it any other way. Shitty people amuse me, people who act like human volcanoes fascinate me like fine art. Life is beautiful, and it is under attack in a manner heretofore unseen in history. I came to remind you of this, not make it worse. I might be writing a blog. Yes, that's all I am doing, now that I think about it. If you have a bad memory, you will forget this. Even I forget sometimes, so we're cool.

Posted on May 8, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I haven’t figured out how you still manage to charm me. You should know, though, that you do matter and all of these celebrations are for ourselves. Doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing for Mother’s Day of Father’s Day or how someone else “does” a birthday. I like having a day to make special just for you. And I love my late card from my boys.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: