Oh, Jim

It’d be funny if it weren’t so damn sad:

Pastor Jim Bakker and the guests on his show asserted this week that Satanic worship services were taking place in some Planned Parenthood clinics, which were being used a legal cover for the ritual sacrifice of children.

Wiles said that a former Satanist told him that he “performed 164 Satanic rituals inside of abortion clinics.”

“Absolutely!” Lori Bakker chimed in. “I can’t prove it because I wasn’t there… I will tell you, especially on Halloween, that many many many many Satanic rituals — abortion rituals — are performed. It’s the truth.”

“I’ve had women sit as close as Jim is to me, as you are to me, crying, screaming from their innermost being because they were in those Satanic rituals where their babies were aborted,” she insisted.

Wiles claimed that his former Satanist friend said that “sacrificing a human life is the greatest thing that they can do for Lucifer.”

 “Because murder is illegal, they have to find a way to have a sacrifice that are human,” Wiles continued. “And so because America has abortion, therefore, their doing these human sacrifices in an abortion clinic because it gives them a legal covering.”

Did the gnomes in a DMT fever dream tell them this? Because as Lori says, she and the rest of these dumbshits don’t have proof, but they know it is happening. They should release the name of this former Satanist, so we can check his claims. But all this is asking too much. Evidence doesn’t matter to the faithful; and when it does, the evidence must be concealed as a personal experience so that no one can either test it or affirm it independently.

 But my favorite is this:

The pastor noted that creationism had to be true because “there are no accidental babies.”

“You are sitting here talking about this and I think you have — your eyes are there,” Jim Bakker said, pointing at Wiles. “They’re not below your mouth. Your mouth didn’t somehow land up [on your forehead]. If this was all accidental, you know, you’d have an ear there.”

OK. So because someone doesn’t have an outrageous deformity, God exists. Nevermind all those babies born with congenital diseases, huh? Jim Bakker needs to take a biology class and discover that DNA is very good at what it does; even all the congenital defects that babies suffer from are relatively rare(one can argue that our problems are all congenital, but that’s not what I’m getting at here). Errors are quickly corrected and discarded in most cell divisions. A persistent, complex trait like a mouth in its proper place where so many pairs are involved is not an easy thing to disrupt. You can see God if you like in this. But really, the story is stubborn chemicals. We are made of tough, predictable stuff. It takes some time to change things like this (a lot of time, Christians).

I don’t feel like trying to find the picture of the baby that proves both me and Bakker wrong. That would depress me, and I am only interested in having fun at Jim Bakker’s expense. Those of you with disturbed minds will find this on your own.

About The Head Seminarian

I might be the nicest person you'll ever meet, but if you don't believe me, that is because I hate you. I went to war, I went to father, I came, I saw, and it is a mess. I wouldn't have it any other way. Shitty people amuse me, people who act like human volcanoes fascinate me like fine art. Life is beautiful, and it is under attack in a manner heretofore unseen in history. I came to remind you of this, not make it worse. I might be writing a blog. Yes, that's all I am doing, now that I think about it. If you have a bad memory, you will forget this. Even I forget sometimes, so we're cool.

Posted on October 8, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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