Feminism Is Apolitical

I just got done reading some hired geek that shills for whoever it is that thinks repealing healthcare reform is a good idea.

These shills are invariably the ones who already have some, and I hope you lose it and do some-soul searching as to why YOU thought it would be a good idea to think it was OK to let someone lose theirs by pricing them out. Some of you walk among other people and shill every day for this political policy like it was your idea. I will never understand you.

He calls Nina Burleigh, who is so brilliant she is halfway behind brilliant, a “liberal” feminist.

What is that? What is this language? What is liberal feminism?

Well, it’s just a term, this liberal thing. A term that unfortunately entered the lexicon as one thing and then re-emerged as something it is not. You’re an idiot if I have to explain this.

Feminism is radical. Oh, you probably think that’s a bad word too, don’t you? I hope your life is as bland as I think it is.

But I don’t understand throwing “liberal” on top of a word that ain’t political. There is no such thing as “conservative feminism”, this is what is known as a “contradiction in terms”, and that means those two words make as much sense together as the words “smart conservative”. In both cases, there is no such thing. Some of you conservatives are just bright enough to get yourself in trouble, and I can relate to this, but only when I am not being smart enough to not get in trouble. This almost never happens in my own house, because I live with an extraordinarily powerful wife who doesn’t act like she is one. I’m always wrong here even if I am right, and that’s probably for the best. I figure it’s how I get to stay. Game over.

I’m a feminist too, you see. This means that I am supposed to understand what a woman is saying without questioning it. This isn’t fun. But, it’s what we like. Women wouldn’t have to come up with stupid words like “feminism” anyway if we could tell the difference between our earhole and our asshole so far as history and civil society go. But basically, even if men hadn’t decided that women were dangerous commodities, we would still have been the inferior sex. Women may be the weaker sex, but I think all good men know they are inherently superior. It doesn’t bear repeating, it’s elementary math.

I know for a fact that sleeping is more of a national pastime than it is a fucking somewhat good idea. Therefore, I try not to do it too often unless I know the world in my general area is right and proper and is happy with my presence. But it is not sometimes. This morning:

God-Damned Idiot: Honey, it’s getting too late to stay in bed.

Wife: I want to sleep. I feel terrible. Why are you doing this?

Idiot: I just want you to feel better and I don’t think lying here will help.

Wife: I don’t care. I’m hot. Get off of me. I don’t want that blanket.

Around about this point, I have to abandon reason and let nature mangle it. I’ll pay for disobeying later. I have learned at least this much, even if I have a persistent learning disability that is inherited from the contents of my underwear. But anyway, what I was trying to say before is that there is no such thing as a particular “stripe” of feminism. There are varying degrees of commitment to it, but there is no point in adding an extra qualifier to feminism. It’s like looking at a tree and saying “that is a very tree tree”.

We know you are excited by the tree. But you don’t need to be afraid of the tree by saying its name twice as if you were trying to let it know you were coming near it. Same generally goes for women, you can knock twice but you had better go away when she says go. Let’s do away with the notion that feminism belongs to someone. You are either a slob, or you are not. All women are feminists. You men, I ain’t so sure. I can’t even tell if half of you have your balls attached. However, I will make an attempt to be nice and explain this away by assuming someone else is holding them very tightly, and probably not in a fun way. Perhaps if you got your head out of your ass, it might help with your general condition.