Star Fuckers

Some conservatives, well…most conservatives, are very worried that their Christian-festooned country is disappearing more year after year.

You could say that they are overreacting. After all, it is their country, their culture and how dare anybody take it from them.

I don’t think they’re overreacting at all. Yes, your Jesus is going bye-bye.

The holidays are for everyone. Each subculture has their own way of ringing in the holidays. I don’t like to use the word inclusiveness, but I believe it applies here. There’s nothing wrong with inviting everyone to celebrate the final holiday before the new year arrives. They too should have the opportunity to gather with family, get depressed, and spend money we don’t have to get a present for everybody who might get you one.

Sorry, Christians. Not only are you being supremacists, you’re being dumb. It’s not anybody’s birthday.

Why do I pen this pre-emptive attack against the War On Christmas? Because Starbucks changed its holiday cup to solid red instead of trees, stars, and snowflakes.

I can’t in good conscience link to a Breitbart article. But I will steal a few snippets from a terrible, unfunny, and saddening article about the red cup:

I did go this morning, after seeing a Facebook post by a colleague of mine pointing out what Starbucks’ newest “Red Cup” looks like. For those unfamiliar: one of Starbucks’ greatest marketing gimmicks is changing the colour of their cups from white to red every Christmas.

And what I found was deeply disappointing to 17-year-old, macchiato-chugging me. The Red Cups are now an anti-Christmas symbol, with Starbucks declaring their formerly Christmassy cups to be “holiday beverages” and shedding any sign of Christmas from them.

Then the author shows pictures of what the cup used to look like. They had bells, sleds, and ornaments, you know, everything that somehow has something to do with Jesus. Moving on:

I asked Starbucks why, but they just sent me a “factsheet” with their latest flavours and a link to their website where they’ve talked about wanting “to usher in the holidays with a purity of design that welcomes all of our stories.”

“We’re embracing the simplicity and the quietness of it. It’s [a] more open way to usher in the holiday,” said their CEO.

You can see what’s going on here. More open? You mean, you’re trying not to “offend” anyone.

Nope, try to read, asshat. That’s not what he said. If he wanted to say “we don’t want to offend anyone”, then that is what he would have said. Must you make things up to score a point?

The obvious reason that the cup has has changed boils down to one thing:money. More dollars and cents. And it’s much easier to write or see a name on the solid red background too.

The only person here being offended is you, doofus. Stop your projecting, drink the overpriced coffee if you must, and shut the fuck up about it. Open your own Christian coffee shop. Good luck with it, though-look what happened to Christian rock.

About The Head Seminarian

I might be the nicest person you'll ever meet, but if you don't believe me, that is because I hate you. I went to war, I went to father, I came, I saw, and it is a mess. I wouldn't have it any other way. Shitty people amuse me, people who act like human volcanoes fascinate me like fine art. Life is beautiful, and it is under attack in a manner heretofore unseen in history. I came to remind you of this, not make it worse. I might be writing a blog. Yes, that's all I am doing, now that I think about it. If you have a bad memory, you will forget this. Even I forget sometimes, so we're cool.

Posted on November 8, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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