I Bet He Jerked Off More Than I Did

I believe in the right to free speech. I don’t even mind stretching it a little to gain justice or promote fairness. But this is not only a bridge too far, it’s hilarious:

The sponsor of a recently passed Utah resolution declaring that “pornography is creating a public health crisis” appeared on the Family Research Council’s “Washington Watch” program yesterday to defend the measure, which the governor signed on Tuesday, and allege that the availability of pornography is violating his “First Amendment right to not view it.”

State Sen. Todd Weiler, a Republican, urged libraries and McDonalds restaurants with WiFi to block pornography websites, claiming that he has heard anecdotally that children go to McDonalds to view pornographic websites: “I said to McDonalds, ‘You’re a family restaurant and you market to children, why would you want to be a purveyor of pornography?’”

“That’s what I think is often lost in the First Amendment discussion,” Weiler said, “because someone may have the First Amendment right, according to the U.S. Supreme Court, to view pornography, but what about my First Amendment right to not view it?” 

I have never, ever considered my right to watch pornography  a First Amendment issue. I never considered it to be a right granted by the federal government. Whacking your doodle in the confines of your home does not count as an act of speech. I hope this guy’s not a lawyer, because he really needs to brush up on what the First means and what it doesn’t. Matter of fact, there’s a rumor going around that there may be more than two amendments to the Constitution. What I am given to understand is that a man should be secure in his houses, papers and effects-and as long as I am looking at actresses(or actors if that’s your thing) who are 18 and older you can dry up and blow away. If I want to watch Julie Ashton(dating myself here) blow two dudes in clown masks, that’s my biz. Not my speech, but my privacy, dummy. You don’t get to use the First to stop anyone’s Fourth.

Nobody is opening your eyes and forcing you to watch a la A Clockwork Orange. You don’t like porn, I get it. Everyone hears that. This is your right to free speech. That’s about as far as it goes, stupid. Make your locale porn-free. Be my guest. But I warn you, fighting porn is like playing Whack-A-Mole these days. The simple thing for you to do is not watch it, instead of making a jackass out of yourself and an embarrassment to your constituents by wielding that document erroneously. Shove your anecdotes. Those screens are too small to get your wank on anyway.


About The Head Seminarian

I went to war, I went to father, I came, I saw, and it is a mess. I wouldn't have it any other way. Shitty people amuse me, people who act like human volcanoes fascinate me like fine art. Life is beautiful, and it is under attack in a manner heretofore unseen in history. I might be writing a blog. Yes, that's all I am doing, now that I think about it. Even I forget sometimes, so we're cool.

Posted on April 22, 2016, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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