A Day In The Life Of A Retard

That’s me! The God-Damned Idiot I keep on posting about. Apparently, I have said “yes” to babysitting a runt pug dog. It’s fucking cage is right next to me, which is where the dog belongs but I feel like I ought to crawl into it. Know why?

Too many animals in the house. This is such bullshit. One of my cats is walking around with a pair of balls the size of kiwi fruits, and there’s all kinds of dogs in the house. There is one smart animal in the house, the half-Siamese, who is waiting patiently for all of us to die even if it takes 15 years of her life to see that it happens. I’ve got two other dogs; what the fuck am I doing with a third one? I love the people who put it here, but damn, I have enough entities running to and fro who are going to shit in my house today. I would jab syringes of Ativan into my nictitating membranes if I had the fucking guts to take them anywhere besides my ass.

Score: homo sapiens 1, canus guardus 1, canus painus 1, canus runtus 1, feline domesticata 1, feline kiwifruitus 1.

One human, three dogs, and two cats, home alone. I will be chasing two shitting and pissing dogs all day, and making sure neither I nor my other dogs break the pug. When do I get to eat today? What will I do at noon when the air conditioning cleaners show up?

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