Daily Archives: January 7, 2016

They Have To Give It A New Name

Did you know that we live in something called the Holocene era?

You did?

Damn. I should know this, shouldn’t I?

However, I’m not gonna let my stupid get in the way of the fact that they are thinking of switching eras in my lifetime.

It might be called the “Anthropocene”. And it may be a fairly short lived era if we don’t stop ruining this precious blue ball.

For over a decade, both climate activists and scientists have used one word to describe the mass-level changes humans are causing on Earth: Anthropocene. But whether or not this word actually describes a real, measurable geologic time period has been the source of major scientific debate.

Now, a new study is adding fuel to that debate, finding that human influence on the environment changed the planet so dramatically that the world recently moved into a new geological epoch. In other words, there’s scientific proof that we’re living in the Anthropocene, the study’s researchers say.

So now it has a name. We’re gonna reach the end of history sooner rather than later. And the earth will forget us, just like it has forgotten 98% of all the species that ever existed.

In Defense Of The Background Check

In the oughts, conservatives would ridicule liberals for blaming everything on George Bush. They gave a name to it: BDS. Bush Derangement Syndrome. It was clever enough, except now the pendulum has swung the other way and now it’s conservatives who have ODS.

Now, I may be wrong, but I don’t recall anyone resorting to violence because of BDS. But as it turns out, a case of ODS can be deadly:

At around 6 p.m. on Tuesday, police in Redding, California responded to a report of shots fired at an apartment building. According to a statement from the Shasta County Sheriff’s Department, what law enforcement found was…sort of expected. A white man in his 50s had fired 6-8 shots into neighboring apartments because he was mad at Obama for attempting to reform gun laws. If that’s not bad enough, he also had a letter from the NRA taped to his window. Once police arrived, he began shooting at them.

“We heard the five shots — everyone was screaming,” resident David Rice recalled. “He came out screaming ‘Obama! Obama! Obama!’ (Police) told him to come out with (his) hands up, and he kept telling them ‘No, no, no.’”

The shooter, whose name has not been released, had a documented history of mental issues and was a felon, but was somehow able to get a gun.

He’s yours, conservatives. Own this.

Man’s Blast Friend

They have books about how your cat is trying to kill you. But dogs are the ones who almost succeed:
This past weekend, a chocolate Labrador retriever named “Trigger” accidentally shot an Indiana woman in the foot during during a hunting trip, according to news reports. An Indiana woman had left her loaded shotgun on the ground with the safety off. Trigger stepped on it, inadvertently pressing the trigger. The woman took a shotgun blast to her left foot at point-blank range.

After getting patched up at area hospitals, she is expected to make a full recovery — joining a short list of Americans who apparently have been shot by their dogs, according to news reports — five others since 2011, and ten total since 2004.

An aptly named dog adds to the strangeness of this story. You fucking gun owners would slay me, if you guys weren’t already busy slaying yourselves.

 

 

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