About God-Does He Believe In Himself?

Is this a bad question? I ask myself every day if I believe in myself, does God have his doubts and his bad days like everyone else? When he doesn’t believe what is happening on the globe, does he quit listening and leave it to Christ?

Twice today I have fallen in disgrace to irrational fear. Does God? Do you? What would be the best thing to do in a scenario wherein you think God or whoever has your back? Is he here, watching and laughing about Japan?

When we took over Ibn Sina in Iraq’s “Green Zone”, we had to immediately decide who would stay as Iraqis went and who didn’t. Must’ve happened at a level I could not comprehend as a Specialist. As I have said, I was tasked to look after the pharmacy, and our reach was far and wide as far as the number of drugs available to us, as in “U.S.”

An Arab worker came in looking for headache relief while I set up. They know paracetamol over there is the NSAID of choice. Our equivalent is acetaminophen. He was one of our janitors, I think.

Did I give him what he was asking for?

I can no longer remember. I hope I did the right thing and gave him a little. That would be me overcoming my irrational fear. Once I went to an Iraqi barber. Ultimate sign of trust to me, to allow a man from a country that we had burned and battered give me a haircut. He used a straight razor. He even cut my nose and ear hair with string. His services were a dollar. I gave him five. You find me the barber with that kind of heart and I will kiss your ass.

Another time, I was told to “wand” Iraqi craftsmen(carpenters, painters and the like) into the hospital. I had very little stomach for the job since I knew that for them to simply have a job was enough for them and they did not need to bomb their employers out of business. I recall wanding halfheartedly as these smiling men reported to work. There was a trust I had in them that I could not shake. You see, I believed in the mission, until it went on too long, which would be around June of 2003, past the time that Don Rumsfeld said would be the right time. They never wanted us there in the first place.

I don’t know what I am ultimately trying to say except that I have issues with whom to trust. Everyone has gone mad. God either exists or not, and if this is his master plan, I mean, I have no choice to follow it but damn God, you don’t have to put a hit on everyone all at once. You need a chill-pill more than I do and that is saying something.

About The Head Seminarian

I went to war, I went to father, I came, I saw, and it is a mess. I wouldn't have it any other way. Shitty people amuse me, people who act like human volcanoes fascinate me like fine art. Life is beautiful, and it is under attack in a manner heretofore unseen in history. I might be writing a blog. Yes, that's all I am doing, now that I think about it. Even I forget sometimes, so we're cool.

Posted on March 19, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I like this, Ron. A lot.


  2. It was a bizarre piece that wrote itself, I’m not sure what it means.


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