Monthly Archives: March 2015

Blue-On-Blue Violence

Dear Democrat electorate:

Shut the goddamn fuck up about the Hillary Clinton e-mail “scandal”. It is being ginned up by Republicans and you are doing exactly what they want you to do-which is to doubt yourselves. Wake up, she didn’t do anything wrong; you are being taken for a fucking ride because Benghazi.  You wobbly, mushy motherfuckers fucked the country by not fucking going out to vote in 2014 and you deserve everything you fucking get if you do it again in ’16.

Thanks for playing, assholes. No wonder this country is in the shitter.

Yes, We Should Have

A good chunk of the left thinks Barack Obama’s presidency has been something of a disappointment. There was so much promised that never materialized. We had the whole government for a year and we couldn’t walk and chew gum at the same time by doing something other than healthcare reform. Sure, the economy imploded and the administration pivoted to that, but we could have made even more history. We lost Teddy Kennedy, and that was the end of the dreaming. Republicans guaranteed that the Obama agenda would be delivered stillborn.

So it’s a bit galling to find that Obama has found his inner progressive when his opposition is at its most powerful, when he can barely do a damn thing . But there he is. From gay rights to dope and immigration, from Cuba to Iran, he is struggling against the bonds imposed by a hostile Congress. Today, Barack offered one of his regrets and it is a day late and a dollar short:

President Barack Obama says if he could start his presidency over, he would have closed the Guantanamo Bay prison his first day.

Instead, the president ordered the detention center for terrorism suspects closed within a year. He says the politics around closure grew increasingly tough and “people got scared by the rhetoric.”

I guess he gets credit for being reflective, unlike some people I could name.

Gohmert Pyle

I have to give a lot of credit to the Iranians. They have been incredibly patient with our government’s hijinks and duplicities while we try to work out a tough international accord. It’s a miracle they are still at the nuclear negotiating table. I hate the fact that John Kerry probably had to tell them to ignore half our damn government or that he may have had to excuse our fractious Congress, who still doesn’t understand its place in The Big Deal. Today’s wingnut salvo is from Louie Gohmert(R-Teabaggistan):

He said the president was “slapping (Israel) around as an unwelcomed visitor,” but he remained hopeful Obama would treat Israel as a friend.

“Maybe once he starts doing that he’ll realize we do need to bomb Iran’s nuclear facilities that we know of and anything that they move to fix, we bomb that as well,” Gohmert said.

The Republican lawmaker said it was too late to negotiate with Iran on its nuclear program.

“We need to encourage this administration to go take out Iran’s nuclear capability,” Gohmert said.

“I think it’s time to bomb Iran — anything that resembles a nuclear facility with centrifuges,” he added. “It’s time to bomb.”

Who would have ever thought that the revolution would show us up like this? Gohmert and his dominio-zionists need to get their nappies changed.

Meet Your Caucus

Not long ago, Steve Doocy of Fox News opined that “mainstream media outlets were trying to make conservatives look like crazy people.” Can he drop this at liberalism’s doorstep? Oh, but you must look. There you will find Rick Santorum, trying to field a question from a woman who obviously belonged on a field trip from the mental ward who didn’t get back on her bus.

This is what nonstop hate media and outrage politics will produce. Own it, you sons of bitches.

Ancient History

Astrology is still wildly popular. It’s based upon the notion that stars and planets plot your destiny. As if the heavens care about your little ass. The bulk of humanity still hasn’t evolved to the point where it can live without stories of Higher Powers guiding it. Perhaps these stories are a bulwark against the lack of control most of us really have in our lives. I can understand that. I think it’s a bunch of shit, but I get the impetus.

Nearly my entire family is born-again Christian.  My cousin, my aunt and I were the only holdouts. I chose atheism, and my aunt and cousin remained Catholic until they died. That leaves me as the only holdout against the cult of Jesus. I do the best I can to understand their beliefs. It doesn’t get easier as time passes. I judge. I admit it. I wish my family could see how absurd their stories are. Gods and floods, water to wine, horsemen of the Apocalypse…the problem with their belief is that so much of it is unbelievable. Objectivity is impossible when you have faith that the story is true.

God hasn’t really been much involved with mankind for about 2000 years. His absence is conspicuous. But that doesn’t stop the believers. They think God is still talking to them, that is he now inside instead of out. OK. Sure. No way to disprove that kind of nonsense. It’s mostly harmless, I guess. But there’s a class of hucksters that take it to another level. They go back, way back to the ancient mythology of God-given signs in the sky and earth. You would think these people would eventually disappear from discourse because they are wrong all of the time. It’s even worse when it bleeds into politics. Blood moons falling on obscure Jewish holidays? Eclipses over the Antarctic? That must meeeean something.

I tire of the stories. An eclipse is a natural phenomenon. It’s not a portent, it just happens. That’s the way things are set up. Blood moons are just shadow play. That’s the order of things. There’s nothing more to it. Anyone should be able to see this. But the stories are stubborn. I mean, this isn’t Sumeria, this is 21st century America. I’m embarrassed for these poor fuckers and their ancient superstitions. I’m almost mad about it because they are conning people I love dearly.

We must make peace with the notion that the universe isn’t interested in us. Even with all of our stories, the fact is that we are not terribly interesting.


Conservative “Humor”

Few things are lamer than Republican jokes. This is Not Funny. Neither is this. You may regret clicking that second link. You’ll wish you could unread it.

I apologize for passing that on. Sort of.

Suffer, Little Children

I have decided to downgrade Ted Cruz from “dangerous” status to “plain old screw-up”. It’s becoming quite clear that Ted makes a fool of himself wherever he goes. He’s not smart and he’s not compelling. From failed filibusters to embarrassing holds on legislation, he always leaves a trail of dumbfuckery in his wake. His last folly was yelling at a little girl that “her world is on fire”. But some folks are buyin’ what he’s sellin’. The mother of the child went on Fox to explain that Cruz did not scare her, nay, far from it:

“She looked at him as a firefighter or a hero to a 3-year-old girl,” Trant explained. “She looked at him as he was a hero, that he was going to put the world that was burning out, he was going to be the firefighter.”

“She looked at him like he was going to save her.”

Jesus Christ on a stuffed crust pizza. She’s practically worshipping a third-rate demagogue. The fix is in, and it’s in deep for some dupes. I don’t ever want to hear anyone drone on about The One- there’s simply no analogue on the left wing that comes as close to this level of brainwash. And to top off this shit sundae of a spectacle, there’s this:

Fox News Steve Doocy suggested to Michelle Trant, the 3-year-old girl’s mother, that “mainstream media outlets” were trying to make conservatives “look like crazy people.”

Is there nothing that conservatives cannot blame on “liberals”? Can’t they take responsibility for anything?

Oh, and that kid is fucked.

Harum Scarum

Buzz Lightyear(R-Loonistan) pushes the Chicken Little routine a bit too far:

Sen. Ted Cruz was forced to pause a speech in New Hampshire on Sunday after he reportedly terrified a little girl by shouting that her “world is on fire.”

While speaking at an event sponsored by the Strafford County Republican Committee, Cruz warned that there was an “urgency to politics today that is unlike anything any of us have ever seen.”

“It is now or never,” he explained. “I don’t think we’ve reached the point of no return yet. But we’re close. We are close! And I believe if we go four or eight more years on this same path, we risk losing the greatest country in the history of the world.”

“Millions of Americans are realizing this isn’t working,” the possible Republican presidential candidate continued. “The Obama economy is a disaster. Obamacare is a train wreck.”

“And the Obama-Clinton foreign policy of leading from behind — the whole world is on fire.”

Cruz had to pause his speech to respond to a little girl in the audience who was young enough to be carried by her mother.

“‘The world is on fire?!’ she asked, repeating his line on Obama-Clinton foreign policy.”

“The world is on fire,” Cruz replied, turning to face the girl and her mother. “Yes! Your world is on fire!”

Scaring the hell out of people is their only play. But scaring little kids…is this how Young Republicans are made? Damn. Yes, the Middle East and Africa are a mess. When in recent memory have they not been? The economy is better than it has been in a decade. Stock market’s off the chain, and we’re nearing full employment. Healthcare costs are coming down and more people than ever are insured. I swear, The president could shit piles of gold boullion, buy out the national debt with it and Republicans would still complain that he wrecked the bond market or whatever diddlyshit they could come up with.

Sure, there’s room for improvement. But the most aggrieved folk are the people who get keyed up by listening to the likes of Cruz. These dangerous demagogues can lie all the live long day and no one in the bubble blinks an eye.

Calm the fuck down, America.

Survival Type

Is conservatism like a mental autoimmune disorder? Because I can’t figure out for the life of me how on earth Glenn Beck came around to the idea that Grover Norquist is an enemy. You would think that the guy responsible for hobbling government through tax cuts would get the glad hand from a Jacobin like Beck. But as always, we are on the far side of Htrae when it comes to the fever swamp of the ultra-paranoid right wing. It goes something like this. Fact: Glenn is thinking of breaking with the NRA if they don’t disown Grover Norquist. Why? Because according to some screwy louie named Frank Gaffney, Norquist “enables and empowers” the fucking Muslim Brotherhood. Huh? For serious? You’re not going to believe this, but it is because Gaffney thinks that CPAC does business with The American Conservative Union, who is friendly to advocacy group Muslims For America. By extension, CPAC promotes Shari’a. And Norquist is involved with CPAC. So he supports it too. But Muslims For America left the Republican party in 2010, “citing the party’s bigotry against Muslims, undocumented immigrants, and gays”. So Muslims For America and the ACU are on the outs. Is CPAC still promoting Islam then? Gaffney still thinks so. And the stink hasn’t washed off Norquist yet, I guess. Now, Norquist sits on the board of directors at the NRA…if he is still involved with CPAC, then Glenn Beck, by way of Gaffney, believes he is a Muslim sympathizer who has no place in their ranks, even though the original offending group has not been part of CPAC in years.

Whew. Sometimes, I’d like to just play ignorant and assume that a lunatic gathering like CPAC is just that. They’re low hanging fruit, it’s the easiest thing to pick on that sad, sad twit-fest. But the rabbit-hole here has no end. There are moles within, traitors to be purged. The movement must be purified. I’d like to view Glenn Beck as just another misinformed fool with a radio show. But there’s so much thinking behind this stuff. It’s like the Octopus, and maybe Glenn Beck  thinks he is Danny Casolaro. I should expect this…I still remember his chalk board. I should know by now that the right wing has its factions in open rebellion just like my left wing does and occasionally we don’t help ourselves much by taking each other out with friendly fire. I wonder if Beck will be able to support a Republican candidate who showed up at CPAC this year. I wonder what party will finally satisfy him in his quixotic quest for clarity.

I wonder. I feel bad… a little man named Glenn against it all, out there on his own rock, full of worry and pain, looking for a superman.


Tall Tales

The cult of Reagan is alive and well. Here’s Scott Walker with a delightful(but untrue) anecdote about the departed president:

He described being invited by Nancy Reagan to give a speech at the Reagan Library near Los Angeles in November 2012, five months after he won a recall election that stemmed from his successful effort to curtail the union rights of public employees in his state. Walker said he met with Nancy Reagan before the speech and told her that he had won the recall on the eighth anniversary of Ronald Reagan’s death.

Walker went on to describe how, during a tour of the library before the speech, the library curator “unbeknownst to me” had taken the Reagan family Bible out of its display and readied it for him to look at.

“And they brought over a pair of white gloves to me and they said, ‘No one has touched this since President Reagan. It is his mother’s Bible that he took the oath of office on. Mrs. Reagan would like you to hold it and take a picture with it’,” Walker said in a YouTube video of part of the speech posted by a reporter for the liberal magazine The Progressive.

Audience members can be heard gasping, then applauding as Walker tells the story.

Walker, 47, frequently notes that his wedding anniversary and Reagan’s birthday fall on the same date.

Blah blah Reagan blah Reagan Reagan. It’s nothing short of creepy, the way they fetishize the old boob and his stuff. What is it, the fucking shroud of Turin to these rubes? Scott Walker and his handlers are very clever, playing on the atavistic tendencies of your average dumb Republican voter. So far, he has avoided controversy by steering clear of the crazy talk that a Ben Carson trucks in. No one consequential blinked an eye when he flipped on ethanol subsidies, because Walker is aware that he needs the rural sucker to build his base. And now, here he is, genuflecting to the demigods of the movement. These sad-sacks will in all likelihood not notice that Walker is lying to them; they will hold that Reagan story close to their hearts, because the “liberal media” are the real liars.

But I’m not going to worry about Scott Walker. It goes one of two ways; he implodes by saying something loony or stupid, or he gets the nomination and receives  a shellacking in 2016. Walker’s ultimate weakness is that he is boring. He can claim the right to Reagan’s legacy all he wants, but that won’t bridge what I’m certain will be an enthusiasm gap when it all shakes out.

%d bloggers like this: