No, no you can’t. You’d have to be selected as a failed vice presidential candidate, give incoherent speeches, start your own pay-to-watch shows that no one can stomach, and buy all your books to make it look like somebody wants to hear your rambling, run-on drivel.

There is only one Sarah Palin. None of you will ever be this stupid and live like a regent at the same time. Take a look at that crazy spread in those photos.

Thanks a lot, half the population. You’ve brought this stupid bitch onto the mainland, where she is less likely to die from a bear attack. Then again, there’s always the hope that she can be the first person to accidentally discharge a weapon at the Bundy ranch.

Class envy, you say? No. I just hate people who don’t get what they deserve.