The Universe Is About To Fold In On Itself

Remember that part in Ghostbusters where they had to try and make sure that Dana and Louis never meet because they will bring Gozer The Destroyer? That’s about how I feel about this:

In what can only be called the single greatest moment in the history of television—up there with the Moon Landing and the final episode of M*A*S*H*—tonight Sarah Palin will be interviewing Some rich asshole. Sarah Palin, best known for being wicked awesome with words and sentences and ideas will be having an exclusive sitdown with America’s favorite blunt racist object—Some rich asshole!

It makes sense. He’s got to court the stupid, crazy right wing( if indeed there is such a distinction to be made) of the conservative movement if he wants to secure the nomination. And who better to genuflect to than the kingmaker(more like clown prince) of the idiots, Sarah Palin.

Submitted for your approval…I bring you this from Palin’s page:

WTH? Lamestream media asks GOP personal, spiritual “gotchas” that they’d NEVER ask Hillary, or they’d feed the question to her and/or liberal cohorts before they asked it on-air (we know how these things work, lapdog media… the public’s on to you), so good on rich asshole for screwing with the reporter. By the way, even with my reading scripture everyday I wouldn’t want to answer the guy’s question either… it’s none of his business; it IS personal; what the heck does it have to do with serving as commander-in-chief; and these reporters trying to trip up conservatives can go pound sand until they ask the same things of their favored liberal pals. I’ll cover this in my interview with Some rich asshole and other candidates tonight on the One America News Network show “On Point.” The more the media does this, the more they empower America to reject them and their bias as voters run to the anti-status quo candidates daring to Go Rogue.

Sarah baby, I’m trying. I’m trying to ignore the run-on sentences, bizarre clauses and buzzwords to divine what you really mean. I think the gist of it is; the “liberal media” is being shitty to rich asshole, so I’m going to dig up my journalist creds and tell the real story.

Here’s what Sarah is bitching about:

Some rich asshole has recently grown fond of telling supporters on the campaign trail that his favorite book is the Bible — followed by his business tome “The Art of the Deal.” But when asked about his favorite Bible verse, the Republican presidential frontrunner declines to get specific.

 “I go to church and I love God and I love my church,” rich asshole boldly pronounced  in an interview on Bloomberg TV’s “With All Due Respect.” But he said the Bible was too personal to him to “get into specifics.”

“The Bible means a lot to me, but I don’t want to get into specifics,” rich asshole told Bloomberg’s Mark Halperin, refusing to list one or two favorite verses.

Pressed again, rich asshole said the Bible was simply too personal to discuss publicly: “I wouldn’t want to get into it because to me that’s very personal. You know, when I talk about the Bible, it’s very personal, so I don’t want to get into verses.”

I’m an atheist and I could at least come up with one or two quotes on the spot.

John Heilemann, searching for a workaround, then asked rich asshole if he considered himself “an Old Testament guy or a New Testament guy.”

“Probably equal,” rich asshole answered matter-of-factly, explaining his inability to select just one: “The whole Bible is just incredible.”

It’s no wonder Palin reacted to this. After all, Katie Couric may have torpedoed the Sarah Express with a similar well-aimed question. In my opinion, rich asshole was asking for it. He sat down with Frank Luntz, the FRC and Liberty U to discuss his faith, for fuck’s sake! And it was a weird exchange:

rich asshole, who told CNN earlier that he is both anti-abortion and anti-same-sex marriage, said people are surprised to learn about his Christian faith.

“People are so shocked when they find … out I am Protestant. I am Presbyterian. And I go to church and I love God and I love my church,” he said.

Moderator Frank Luntz asked rich asshole whether he has ever asked God for forgiveness for his actions.

“I am not sure I have. I just go on and try to do a better job from there. I don’t think so,” he said. “I think if I do something wrong, I think, I just try and make it right. I don’t bring God into that picture. I don’t.”

rich asshole said that while he hasn’t asked God for forgiveness, he does participate in Holy Communion.

“When I drink my little wine — which is about the only wine I drink — and have my little cracker, I guess that is a form of asking for forgiveness, and I do that as often as possible because I feel cleansed,” he said. “I think in terms of ‘let’s go on and let’s make it right.'”

Damn that liberal media, who have turned Luntz, the Dobson crew, and the Falwell morons into “gotcha” pod people!

Bottom line, people want to know more about Some rich asshole. He’s been going around the country, babbling about his Bibble at every stop. And his comments have troubled conservative Christians who are confused by rich asshole’s unorthodox views. I can’t say I am surprised that the “media” are digging for more.

rich asshole: all hat, no cattle. First place. I’m lovin’ it.

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