Daily Archives: May 20, 2015

Kim Jong-Unbelievable

Time for some light entertainment. North Korea would like you to witness their new sub-to-air missile. Oooh:

Kim

There’s just one problem. North Korea also wants you to be in awe of their Photoshop skills. ‘Cause that shit did not happen.

I realize that North Korea is not joke material because I feel for the poor people who have to live under Jong-Un’s thumb, but the little dictator needs to be taken down a peg or two. I expect to see the day that this chubby megalomaniac gets a bullet to the head.

Pinning The Stupid Meter

Meter-68030608916

I don’t have the words to describe how skullfuckingly stupid this is:

Washington State has long been a cyclist’s haven, with terrific bike trails through the woods and along the roads. Cyclists are everywhere in Washington State and according to an article in Forbes, Seattle ranks in the top twenty for the country’s most bike friendly cities and the state itself, according an article in Wired Magazine, is the best place in the country for bikes. One Washington lawmaker will hear none of that and has said, in public, out loud, within ear shot, in 2013 that cyclists and cycling are bad for the environment and therefore should be taxed.

Fuh. Um.

..if I am not mistaken, a cyclist has an increased heart rate and respiration.That means the act of riding a bike results in greater emissions of carbon dioxide from the rider. Since CO2 is deemed to be a greenhouse gas and a pollutant, bicycles are actually polluting when they ride.

I keep looking at these words in the hope that I have developed dyslexia and am seeing sentences that aren’t really there.

You are polluting by breathing heavy. Moreso than a car. Nevermind these other things that a car emits.

People went through the trouble to go to a polling station and vote for this….this pod person.

I hope you are proud of yourself, Washington. You are dangerously close to making the quarantine list.

Bin Busy

Like it or not, Osama Bin Laden was a clever cookie. He was rather prolific, it seems. His first letter to us was nothing short of an indictment of our society and a list of grievances against the West. It almost reads like the Declaration of Independence. When we killed his ass, we found other letters-another open letter was discovered that gloats about the success of the jihad movement against the United States.

But that’s not what is truly interesting about Bin Laden and his organization. It turns out that the world’s most infamous terrorist was concerned about…wait for it…

Climate change.

Yup. While James Inhofe plays with a snowball in Congress, Al Qaeda is preparing for future calamities related to environmental disturbances, like grownups should. We should be ashamed of ourselves. We are the mightiest nation on earth and we refuse to take care of it. And it’s sad that a two-bit terrorist knows better than we.

Ted Cruz, Comedian

I like to have a laugh at Ted Cruz’s expense. All I have to do is sit back and read what he is saying this week, and the jokes write themselves. Maybe I’m being lazy, since he’s so easy to bag on, and he certainly doesn’t even have a chinaman’s chance at winning the presidency. But the fact remains that he is still a member of the Senate, and people should know that something is funny about the water in Texas when they elect a Ted Cruz as a member of that august body-, y’know, the place where legislation is supposed to be refined and perfected. I don’t find him dangerous, as perhaps many of my friends on the left  might-I’m hundreds of miles from his jurisdiction and everyone in Congress thinks he’s a bozo and an asshole.

So anyway, Ted wonders aloud at a Q&A when peppered with questions about teh gay:

“Is there something about the left — and I am going to put the media in this category — that is obsessed with sex?” Cruz asked after fielding multiple questions on gay rights.

Ignoring for a moment the obvious failure of his to distinguish between gay sex and gay rights, I want you to roll that snippet of stupid around in your head for a bit.

Ted-seriously…who is obsessed with sex, especially that of the gay kind? After all, it’s your bible that criminalizes homosexual conduct. It’s you guys that can’t stop talking about it-why else would you be so against same sex marriage? Some of you think about it so much that you want to try it. All I have to do is consult my trusty partner in crime, Right Wing Watch-and it’s generously rife with articles about wingnuts who can’t stop thinking or talking about gay sex.

Somehow, Ted brings the gay talk around to ISIS…you can finish the article because I am very busy thinking about sex.

Shitkickers

Never let a cogent thought get in the way of disloyal posturing:

Congressman Steven Palazzo (R-MS) said he doesn’t believe that President Barack Obama is plotting a takeover of Biloxi, Mississippi.

Palazzo said he doubts the U.S. military would ever turn on the civilian population.

So far, so good. Glad to see some levelheaded talk from a Republican, especially one from the deep south. No, wait, hold on:

But if he ever did, Palazzo suggested, he wouldn’t be able to get away with it.

“He may find himself arrested if he ever did issue that order,” Palazzo said Tuesday on the Gallo Show on Mississippi’s SuperTalkFM radio.

And there it is. He continues to say that there’d be some Second Amendmentin’ going down too:

“And you’ve also gotta think, if you look at states like Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama, there’s probably more guns per capita per individual. If people are looking to take down a civilian population or overthrow a state, they’d probably start somewhere where the gun laws are a lot stricter than in the South.”

Has Steve Palazzo seen the size of the US military? I don’t care how many pea shooters you have-the American armed forces would run through the South and any other region like a hot knife to butter in the utterly unlikely event that were to happen. You little bitches will drop your AR-15s and run the minute you see an Abrams come down Main Street. Go ahead and dream your impotent dream of armed resistance, though. After dribbling on about free speech, religious freedom and Obama’s unprecedented hate of the military(please drop me a line if you can understand why people think this-hmm, who loves sequestration? Oh yeah…), he turns to Iraq, repeating the same tired lies that seem to be popular given the war’s increased scrutiny lately:

“If we had done what George W. Bush said” and kept residual forces in Iraq after 2011, Gallo argued, there would be no ISIS in Iraq. “It’s a shame to have spilt the blood of American soldiers — and soldiers period, from the United Nations — and this is where we are at this time under this Commander-in-Chief. It’s a sorry state of affairs.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Palazzo said. “I think we talked about that before. If we’d listened — let’s just take the president out of it, George Bush — if we’d just listened to our military commanders, the people on the ground over there and also the people who were begging us to leave a residual force, we had the infrastructure in place to knock out the baddest of the bad guys.”

“But after years of corruption and us abandoning them, the entire Iraqi military just fell apart. We need more resources on the ground or we just need to walk away and allow Iran to have Iraq.”

Please see here. This is very persistent nonsense, this bunch of twaddle about military commanders and such. Furthermore, Iran doesn’t want the mess that is Iraq, you dumbass. Last I checked, something called “ISIS” was infecting it. Oh, sure, if things get out of hand and they continue to win territory, I suspect Iran will commit to military action, which they are already doing in a circumspect way.

I can’t believe this shit sells. But this is Dixie, our little retarded fool’s paradise, immune from intelligence or logic.

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